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While packing yesterday mostly involved me walking around in circles wondering what to do next, I did get the joy of receiving two very important packages via FedEx yesterday. First, this amazing, lovely miracle of a gift from my soul siblings, James Harris and Stephanie Roberts of Elemental Interactive.

This tiny treasure will help me capture everything about the trip from the first experience of meeting Odette’s daughters Grace and Lillian to distributing the zine in the villages. I am so incredibly thankful.

A year ago, James totally turned my life around by asking me some very important questions:

Why are you not a publisher?
Why are you looking for someone else to say your work is okay?
What if you are the one who gives permission? What if you are the blesser?

That conversation completely changed my life without James even knowing it.

If that gift was not enough, after I opened that package, I received another. This video explaining exactly how to use the camera. Brotherhood redefined! James & Stephanie–you two are the best!

Today the zine will be delivered and my friend for many years Sandie Angulo Chen will be helping me power out fulfillment. The amazing Natala, my ace in the hole, is coming to help as well. It’s going to be a full day.

Day before yesterday, the author herself signed off on the press check. We agreed that after this Odette would never be called a house girl again. As only Odette can say (with feeling!) “Amen!”

In case you only have time for one sentence, the zine is waiting for you here!

Okay. Is this not the sweetest thing you have ever seen? My Japanese neighbor Mana Maeda made a whole bag full of origami hearts for me “for the children of Rwanda.” The kindness folded into each and every heart just blows me away.

This is not the only act of love happening on my street this morning. Madeleine’s piano teacher (and my kindred spirit friend) Katie Kellert donated the tuition from Madeleine’s entire spring semester to the Rwanda Trip. This was such a personal and sacrificial gift that I wanted to find a way to really honor her generosity. One hundred of these LamaLi journals made by women living in the rural villages of Nepal (eco-friendly and fair trade-woohoo!) are going with me in Katie’s honor. With the help of Odette’s sister-in-law, Golethe, I’ll be talking to a special group of girls about Mondo Beyondo dreams and using journaling as a tool to problem-solve and put dearest thoughts on paper.

Tucked inside will be these Hope Notes–made possible by the goodness of Krystyn Heide, the HopeRevo.com community and little girls like this lovely from Tracey Clark’s daughter’s Girl Scout troup. Or these sweet things, all the way from DreamerGirl in the Netherlands. I’m expecting about 100 notes tomorrow via FedEx.

It’s Love Thursday, and I am feeling it! Now I’m going to go light a candle and take a deep breath. I have to figure out once and for all how to get 400 pounds of all this goodness packed and onto a plane in the next few days.

You can still donate to this project and help us cover last minute expenses here. I’m doing last minute shopping today for 1000 pens. The zine, of course, is dying for you to make her your very own here. And thank you to everyone who posted or sent links our way! Keep them coming!

The cover of the zine. I have 350 preview copies for sale on etsy for the next few days. All proceeds will go to Odette, Grace’s care and our last minute incidental expenses for the Girl Power Rwanda Trip. Please help us spread the word.

Thank you
for encouraging me
for believing something magical could happen
for caring about Odette and her daughters
for being willing to support this dream
for watering a tiny seed that has grown overnight into an incredible source of power and hope

This is your zine, and it will go further and do more good than any one of us can imagine in this moment. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

It’s been a total whirlwind. I could try to put it all in words, but the pictures might tell it all.

After a really crazy week last week, sending the zine to print, here we are looking at real live proofs for the zine from our helpful printer, Joe Penny.

I’m learning so much from the amazing Meryl and thanks to her kind boss Cate we were able to review the proofs in their office.

After what felt like two years staring at these proud chickens, Meryl and I are both still smitten. Those hens make me so happy.

And if that wasn’t enough excitement, Odette and I went straight from there to Jeannine Harvey’s house yesterday to record voice overs for a girl power video I am taking to show Odette’s girls and their friends in Rwanda. (I know what you are thinking! What next?) But seriously, Odette had the vision for taking a video to the girls and Jeannine (thanks to her colleagues at PBS) pulled together the right people to make it happen. Carlene Martin (I heart Carlene) shot the video a few weekends ago and yesterday we went back to the studio to make sure all the voices were loud and clear.

Here’s Mike, Jeannine’s brilliant husband who played sound engineer for us yesterday…

And the incredible Carlene–our uber-talented producer who works with PBS & who is helping us as a total labor of love…

Odette is the main star of our mini-production with an incredible message of hope and girl power–not only for her daughters but for all the little girls in Rwanda. Doesn’t she look like she was meant for the sound stage here?

We had so much fun doing her voice overs in Kinyarwanda.

This short video also features photos and shorts from these cutie-pies–girls who wanted to reach out to African girls their own age–to find out what matters to them and to share what’s making them feel strong and alive right now in their own lives.

I can hardly believe what’s happening right now. The outpouring of love and support from you all is carrying us so very far. Just knowing so much is going into this visit is really helping Lillian and especially Grace right now. The girls’ aunt’s been reporting that the girls are so excited about this trip that they’ve been talking late into the night–a significant improvement for Grace whose spirits have been so incredibly low the last few weeks. She reported to her mother today that she is starting to get used to the medication and that it’s not feeling quite so tough on her system. Doctors are saying they believe she can fully recover if she continues on this strict regimen of the right medications. Lillian is with Grace now so she can be screened for TB as well–evidently Lillian roomed with a child at boarding school who contracted TB earlier this year. We’ll breathe a serious sigh of relief if this kid can walk away with a clean TB test and clean bill of health.

I can’t wait to see these girls and discover all the ways their mother lives and moves in them, even in her absence.

Tomorrow a portion of the zines will go on sale here in the United States. Stay tuned.

Did I mention I leave on Sunday?

Reina and Madeleine.

I only have a second, but I wanted you to know we finally have news about Grace. After further tests the doctors are convinced that she does have TB. Odette said this morning that Grace has been crying since her diagnosis and has been refusing to eat and that the medications are really bothering her. We only had a minute to talk this morning, but O. said she thinks Grace has lost all hope. I’ve been wandering around the house wondering if there is anything at all I can take her (besides her very own mother or 2000 bouncy balls and 2000 zines) that would help her feel even a little bit better. This poor kid has been through the ringer.

There’s more I could say, but I’m in recovery mode after two near-all nighters on the zine. I’m desperately relieved to say that it is finally in the hands of a new printer, after a few near disasters yesterday–one of which included the old printer forgetting to mention that shipping would be an extra $1000. Needless to say he did not get the job. What the new printer lacks in cheap prices, he makes up for in cheerfulness and a sterling good character. I feel glad the job will be done locally, too.

I’ll keep you updated on Grace. I feel so bad for her. I am so incredibly hopeful that I can give her the tiniest bit of comfort and even more courage when I arrive next week. Let’s hope.

one proud chicken from the upcoming zine

The whole gist of Odette’s zine-story about finding a way to make money in the refugee camps is that even when you think you have nothing, you can take that nothing and make magic out of it. For Odette and her brother Innocent, that “nothing” was a few chickens and a whole lotta chicken eggs. By pooling their eggs (and their eventual sales) with other children these little kids were able to send five more to school and keep enough money on hand to function as a small business mini-loan office for the struggling adults around them. It’s one of my favorite power stories of all time.

It’s incredibly tempting to get into a space where you fear there isn’t enough or anything at all to help you out of a tight spot. Seeing the world through the eyes of scarcity is the gateway drug to all misery. It has taken me years to crawl out of that hole and many more to stay out. Going to Africa, the universal symbol for “not enough” in the modern mind, will test that, I can only imagine. Still, I can’t help but hope I don’t miss abundance. Sob stories don’t get you nearly as far as tales of the wild abundance of trusting hearts.

Whenever you set your heart on such lessons, the Universe laughs and then sends you a barage of test questions, along with a real life exam. I’m taking mine right now, wondering what hidden source of skill or strength is waiting for me to notice her so I can make some magic out of those zine pages.

It will require a small miracle or actually starting the dishwasher. But why not?

Yesterday brought a tent, a camera and maybe even a cow. Stranger things have happened, no?

What under-utilized resource is waiting for your able hands this morning? I’m finding out I can do so much more than I ever imagined, one tiny step at a time.

the amazing open-hearted Cate and her HopeRevo card for a special girl in Rwanda

We are holding our breath this morning, waiting to hear more news about Grace. The specialist who saw her over the weekend was not convinced that the TB diagnosis was accurate (!!!!) and is sending her to a second hospital for more conclusive tests. I have no idea what this means or what it will reveal, but this little bit of movement in the story tremendously helped lift the mood around here, to put it mildly. That and one very pink cell phone.

If Grace doesn’t have TB, that is so huge, I can’t tell you, but it’s critical that they find out what is wrong and address it as soon as possible.

The next four days are loaded for me as I work towards sending the zine to print (yikes!) and begin compiling and organizing all the things I have to take to Odette’s girls and all the other kids I meet. One thing I have loved about African culture is the way my African friends truly embody the phrase we throw around lightly “no child left behind.” If Odette (or Fatou for that matter) had her way, I would be taking a new set of clothes, a journal, a pen, a pencil, a small toy, a zine and a piece of chocolate to every child in Rwanda. I’m sure the good people at Ethiopian Airlines will not be batting an eye when they see me, my 2000 bouncy balls (thanks, Grace McLaren!) and all my luggage coming.

If you want to send something small with me for Grace especially or the other kids I meet, there are two things I could take very easily:

1. A small thinking of you card for Grace–nothing bigger than 5×7. Grace has been feeling so down and a little bit forgotten with her mom so far away, and I can only imagine how notes from faraway friends would cheer her. Email me and I’ll tell you where to send it. English is fine.
2. A Hope Note a la HopeRevo. This is way to honor the Africa in you (go read the article, in case you haven’t already). You’ll be encouraging a little girl you’ve never met and taking into your heart a kind of hospitality and openness that will do the world good. Mail these to the address below and and my partner-in-hope Krystyn Heide will get these to me just in time.

Hope Revolution
195 Arizona Ave
Box 173
Atlanta GA 30307

If none of this appeals to you or isn’t quite possible right now, you can still throw money in the pot. So far this money has purchased 1 airline ticket, immunizations for me and malaria medication, art supplies to create the zine, 2000 zines for distribution in Rwanda and for sale here (the zine sales in the US will pay royalties to Odette and serve as an income stream for her and her brother Innocent) and one domain name (girlpowerafrica.org). Do you feel amazing yet? Each dollar along with each word of encouragement has been like a little seed growing big ideas and more means and connections to make miracles happen.

I’m still wheeling and dealing to find and take to Innocent (Odette’s brother and my soulbrother, truly–I adore this guy):
A cow
A tent
A camera

I know. I have lost my mind. But more on that later.

Hold onto hope. The tiniest thread will twist into an unbreakable cord. Let hope anchor you in the possibility that this is not the end of your story, that change will bring you to peaceful shores.

Here are two women who will make you believe in hope, and better yet, give you courage to trust. That you will not be found foolish for believing. That you will not be disappointed anytime you give your heart over to goodness, to love.

Fatou and Masahwa, today I am honored to know you both. I feel incredibly thankful for your friendship and all the ways you have patiently helped me understand both my role and my invitation to see Africa with the eyes of a lover. I am forever in your debt.

from the upcoming zine “Let’s Learn How To Help Ourselves and Others” by Odette, illustrations by me. I’ll take at least 1000 copies of this book to schools in Rwanda in May on my visit to see Odette’s girls thanks to your contributions. details here.

I wish I were writing today to say we have news, but we are still in a holding pattern waiting to see what’s going on with Grace, hear her exact prognosis and find out what needs to happen next. Only kindness matters in moments like this.

The brother who carries the child to the better hospital.
The sister-in-law who opens her home while Grace waits to be admitted, even though her own little children will be at risk now.
The friend who offers to pay for the cell phone so Odette can call (and be called) any time of night or day.
The family patriarch who calls to say with so much love there is no need to worry. Everything is unfolding exactly as it should were his words exactly.

I wish I could say I am a good believer in times like these. Instead, I ask Odette every few days, “Do you still believe in God?” She always answers yes. And then I say something like, “Well, I think he’s doing a very bad job with your case.” Worst performance by a diety. Ever. And then we argue about that for awhile, until it’s time to go home and light candles and pray.

The truth is even now I can’t help but believe that something greater is holding us. Even though my first instinct in any crisis is to call Oprah first, trust later. Still. I can’t shake the sense that no matter what happens we are not alone or forgotten. I don’t understand that thing or whatever it is holding us. But I can’t help but put my eggs in that basket. And I can’t help but think that some part of that thing is us and all the ways we dare to trust together.

Yesterday, my dearest Lourdes came to the house to check on me. I’ve known Lourdes for many years before I ever met Odette. In so many ways, she has been with me from the beginning, teaching me about how to be in the world, showing me so gently the dignity and grace that is required from making peace with uncertainty.

“There are so many Graces,” she tells me gently as we walk. And I know in my heart it’s true.

These are the realities that overwhelm us, that leave us guilty and feeling powerless. These are the things that make us turn away because we don’t know what to do. But Lourdes has taught me over years that it is not the solution (or deity or the money or the power) that transforms these situations as much as the compassion. With kindness all things become possible.

Kindness may cost you, but it will not kill you. This I know from experience. Kindness is the one thing that will open an impossible door. It is the way forward when words no longer serve. It is the path to happiness and also peace, when all other paths have failed. It requires courage to believe this and more to act on it, but kindness grants that, too. She’s magic that way.

I have to believe along with Odette that Kindness will grant Grace exactly what she needs. That Kindness will reveal the perfect course of action. That Kindness will heal her body and her soul, one moment at a time. That Kindness will be the force at play to bring a family back together, even when circumstances complicate and cloud. That Kindness holds all the scattered pieces into one whole, even when hope and so many dreams sometimes fall apart.

Here is a collection of kindnesses that you offered us over the last few days. Because of these words and your love, our load has been so much lighter, and we have had the luxury to argue over stupid things and eat ice cream and be completely honest with each other in all of this. It’s been a mess, but I’m okay and more importantly, Odette is okay–even while nothing is okay, if that makes any sense.

Thank you for carrying us with your kindness. It means the world.

We received word today that Odette’s oldest daughter Grace (12) has been diagnosed with TB. You can read more about TB here. Grace had undiagnosed malaria earlier this year–we moved mountains to get her hospitalized and treated, and have the kindness of strangers to thank for that little miracle. After that, we thought Grace was on the mend, but her malaria symptoms started coming back late last week and her overall health has not improved. This time around Odette found a way for her to go to a different hospital where she received a more thorough evaluation, revealing that she not only had TB, but that one of her lungs was severely damaged. She is very, very sick, as you can imagine, and afraid.

I have never seen Odette this sad or scared. Some of you have asked what it would take to bring the girls here. Please know we are aggressively and actively working on this right now (as we have been for some time) and have every reason to believe the proper papers will come. Odette has been asked to stay here for the interim in order to ensure this process. If I could say more, I would, believe me.

I am trying to remain hopeful, but I have to be totally honest and say that I am very scared, too. Please light a candle for Grace that her life would be saved, for Odette that she would be okay in her heart and for me that I will be however I need to be. I’m not sure if that’s a rock of strength or a flow of tears. I am so worried. Odette is asking me if I think Grace will be okay and I don’t know what to say.

I’m sorry to be such a downer, but this is what’s happening right now. We appreciate you all more than you will ever, ever know.