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Since internet is spotty here, my posts will be a day or two after the fact, and photos a day or two after that. Here’s my account of our arrival last night.

Tonight after nearly twenty hours of air travel, we arrived at our final destination, Cape Town, South Africa. We had no idea how to we would get to the apartment we had rented or how we would get the key for that matter. We loaded up a taxi on the wild hope that it would all work out when we got to the place, and we were right. When we arrived to De Waterkant Place, Lorna had left a note telling us she’d come right away when we arrived and within minutes we were greeted with the warmest South African welcome a mother of two small children who have just spent 22 hours in a plane could ask for—namely, kind words and directions to the nearest wine bar.

Lorna and her companion Michael thought Nose would be a good fit for us, so they walked us down and introduced us to Mary, their favorite server—a beautiful young woman from Zambia studying public relations at the university. One look at the menu and immediately we thought of Nick and Jess. Nose was all about the gastro-pub concept—something we knew nothing about until we met Nick and Jess, young hipsters that they are.

The food was simple but exquisite and this casual meal gave us a chance to talk to our kids about culture shock—that uneasy feeling that can come over a traveler when everything is unfamiliar. I forgot this would be part of the drill on a trip like this, but I was glad for the opportunity to talk about why we feel disoriented and how we can pass through this kind of discomfort and confusion into curiousity and joy. The kids needed the pep talk and passed the hour at the restaurant a little bit easier.

Mary and I talked about setting up a blog—one of her recent assignments for her public relations course. “Can you imagine how impossible it feels to work on the computer after so many years without even the first opportunity to even touch a computer? I don’t even know where to start.”

“Tomorrow,” I said, “I will bring you a zine and show you on my laptop how you can log on to a simple program you can use to make a blog.” Mary lit up at the thought as the conversation moved on. “You really should go further north if you can,” she said. “There you can see wild animals and so many amazing things to make your heart stop.” Her eyes brightened with every word.

No matter. Already my heart is stopped, thinking of Mary whose salary is derived from tips alone.

On the plane over, I watched a movie called “The Wooden Camera”—a movie filmed in Cape Town about two boys who find a dead man’s body by the train tracks one fateful day. One boy takes the man’s gun; the other takes the man’s digital video camcorder. The rest of the movie charts how both boys form their identities around their respective discoveries in a post-apartheid South Africa. I was reminded of my best friend Fatou and her parting words the night before I left. “it won’t be the real Africa, Jenny, but it will be a start. You will still find something there.”

Tonight in the restaurant, taking to Mary, I understood how critical it is that I pay attention to each story, that I listen between the lines of servitude and politeness. I want to know the whole story of Africa, not just this amazing wealth and comfort, crafted over years and the backs of black men without opportunity or hope. I need to listen to Mary, to the wild Cape wind, to the history that opens doors and to my children who are learning for the first time that the world goes on, on the other side of the world. That they are not the only ones that daydream about their future and their hopes.

I’m sitting in the Johannesburg terminal in South Africa, still not quite believing that we are actually here. A few years ago I admitted to myself how deeply I wanted my children to travel to faraway places, so that they would have a broad, rich view of the world. Considering that we are the kind of family who has trouble deciding to go on vacation, anywhere, let alone halfway around the world, this seemed like a pipe dream. But here we are, for the wedding of dear friends Tilky and Dino–a mondo beyondo dream come true.

More later.

I’m home sweet home now, so happy to have a whole village to welcome me back. All my favorite things waited to greet me, to remind me of the place I plant my feet–the ground of connection and kindness. It unfolds like this:

an Ethiopian cab driver, telling me his whole life story, making me so glad I live where I do
Dave so adorable and sleepy, laughing at how chatty and excited I am crawling exhausted into bed
Madeleine’s sweet face come morning, commanding me to come downstairs and talk to her
Carter crawling into my lap like a kitty-cat hours later, ready to rub noses
Nick coming over with hot fresh coffee and the New York Times
Mark laughing at how well he knows me as I tell my stories
Meryl sipping tea with me
Fatou laughing–the way only Fatou can–wanting to hear the whole trip from start to finish, reminding me that underneath it all we are sisters of the heart

I am aware of how much my virtual world is possible because of this little tribe. They know the truest me–the person who loses something oh-so-important every single day, the person who always looks like she just rolled out of bed, the person who always, always wants you to come in and talk no matter what’s happening, even if it looks like a bomb blew up in the living room. Their love in so many ways makes me real, like the Velveteen Rabbit. They are the people in my neighborhood, the tribe of my soul.

Who do you claim as your tribe? the dear ones you take with you in your heart–wherever you go? Feel free to claim your tribe in the comments below.

One of the greatest delights of my life has been meeting and befriending strangers. I don’t care if it’s a cab driver, a homeless person, the coffeeshop girl or a CEO–I totally love the adventure of making a meaningful connection. One of yesterday’s highlights was meeting Stephanie, who probably had no fashion angst or apparent trouble taking meaningful notes on the conference unlike some people who write this blog–she’s just that naturally beautiful and smart.

Tamar, one of my fellow volunteers here at Blogher took one look at my zine and decided Stephanie and I must know each other immediately. Stephanie and I quickly realized we were part of a mutual admiration society, mostly the artist, poet and sage chapter, and that we knew each other oh-so-distantly in the comment section of this blog. My heart was instantly drawn to her kindness and candor. I completely adored her.

During one of the opening sessions, Stephanie’s business partner James stood and spoke about a project they had done for Macy’s that focused on empowering young bloggers as emerging press. I had a real soul reaction to that story because I could see that this guy understood what it meant to hold space so that something transformational could happen. That’s holy work in my book, and I recognize it from my work as a doula and also my role in the world as someone who can bless and call something new into being, just by naming it.

I knew we needed to talk later, and from our brief introduction earlier, James did, too.

I wish I could say exactly what happened in that conversation hours later, but regular readers of this blog will understand when I say that James is kind of a soul repair specialist as well as a soul furniture mover. Every once in a great while–maybe just a handful of times in your lifetime–you meet someone who tells you a story about yourself that changes everything, a story so wonderful and preposterous that you just have to dare it might be true. James told me that kind of story, and I took it straight into my heart.

I think in that moment the conference ended for me. The purpose has been accomplished. I can change out of my fancy-schmancy clothes and go back to being a truer, more complete version of me.

After our conversation, James invited me to dinner with Stephanie and a handful of new friends, including my sister the comedienne with the five week old baby. There are so many things I enjoyed about the night, tiny details I want to remember. As we were leaving I told James that we were friends now, that that’s how it works for me and this conference thing. He agreed. I think we might have even shook on it.

It’s 4:30 in the morning here as I type. I thought I couldn’t sleep at home because it’s so magically silent, but evidentally I can’t sleep in New York either. Maybe I just needed to send you this letter. Maybe I just needed to jot notes to myself, so I can keep the memory sharp in my mind. I’m too sleepy to put the poetry in my heart into words for this post, but I’m sure those words will come soon. Some day after a night when I’ve had a full eight hours of sleep. Much love to you all as always.

Session summary: Members of the BlogHer Business Advisory Committee will each present one top-notch business blog and blogger. Get a crash course on what they went through, and why they succeed.

(Apologies in advance for misspelling, missed names and other tragedies of being in a rush. Everything is a serious approximation of what was said.)

Introduction: Welcome from Tony Bloomberg. Marianne Richmond makes introductions.

# Small Business Blog: Susan Getgood interviews Shirley Frazier of GiftBasket Business Blog.

Susan Getgood: Tell us a little bit about your blogs.

Shirley: (summarizing)
First blog: Giftbasketbusiness.com. Only two business blogs for this industry. Shirley does not have this kind of business (which represents a 4.8 million dollar industry); she services these owners with her blogs. She speaks around the country; helps people find their niche.
Second blog: Solo business marketing, for independent professionals who need marketing help, education and support. This blog is 2 years old.
Third blog: Laughingchow.com Photography tips for people with a recreational interest in taking pictures.

She publishes on Wordpress platform. Took a lot of effort to learn WP; not always easy, but worth it.

Why blogs as a marketing tool?

Blogs complement her writing career, to establish a platform and fan base. This helps people find marketing support for themselves, by themselves. Blogs drive traffic to her website. Had Giftbasket site first; blog was complementary. She gets few comments but lots of traffic. She’s hopeful the conversation is beneficial.

How do you measure results?

1. Sale of my educational materials.
2. Statistics from the site.
3. Passive revenue that she gains through advertising. Giftbasket business blog drives most advertising revenue. It’s not that the GB owners don’t know how to use the web, they don’t know about blogs. Their novice status helps drive click-through rate. Mutually beneficial.
4. More speaking engagements.

What advice would you give to small business owners?

Be very proactive at having and maintaining your blog. Difficult for me to understand how the whole blogging thing worked, but learned by reading other blogs. Your blog is kind of like running your own newspaper. You have your own voice. YOu can elicit other opinions from other people. Great way to grow your business if you stick with it.

# Media/publishing Blog: Elana Centor interviews WashingtonPost.Newsweek Interactive CEO and Publisher Caroline Little.

Elana: Talk a little bit about what you are doing right now. We talked earlier about newspapers coming around on this point.

CL: We’ve been doing this a long time. We got into this because print revenue comes from classifieds; but we needed to repurpose things in the paper and that included being involved online. The Post has never had a national presence until the internet. 90% come outside of our area and never receive a paper. It’s very different than a local paper. We’ve made some mistakes–but that’s important because it’s a sign you are doing something new and that’s good.

Elana: When you decided to become blog-friendly and had to weigh the risks, what were the risks?

CL: Not too many risks. Journalists were excited to have a wider readership. We were willing to open things up and allow a wide response of opinions. Issues of pay, but by and large people are happy.

Elana: Would you mind talking about the mistakes you’ve made?

CL: We had one situation from a non-Washington Post bloggers had plagiarism problems. When we posted comments on posts, things got very divided and irate in the comment section–especially before the election. They were threatening comments so we shut them down. We took a lot of criticism for that.

Elana: What’s the buzz behind the scenes from other newspapers about what you’re doing?

We’ve taken the position that the web is open, like a party. Our role is helping someone navigating what they want to see. The readers can choose. We’re offereing enough of a roadmap that people come back. Other sites think you should never link to a competitor. We disagree. We trust people understand the contextual/linked nature of the web. We understand readers will come back. We have a different philosophical approach–ours is very open.

Elana: How do you evaluate if this experiment is working?

CL: I evaluate it based on we won a national Emmy last year. Lots of awards. Our audience is growing. Our revenues are growing. So far it’s really working, despite the challenges.

E: How do journalists feel about this?
Some people want the website to be a reflection of the newspaper. Other people love it so much–it’s the coolest thing that it expands beyond that.

I don’t think the paper is ever going to go away. But we have to think about multiple platforms now. The audience story is so different that we have to think about how to find meaningful ways to reach people. I think we have a shot at reaching them. Very touch coming from traditional media.

Alana: What’s your biggest surprise from when you started this?

CL: There’s a lot. In some ways the more successful you get the harder it is. I’ve been surprised by our online media success. I’ve been surprised by the intimacy that comes from blogging, it’s a very different way of reporting. Video that really works on the web is very intimate. Just talking.

# Solopreneur Blog: Lena West interviews Carmen VanKerckhove from New Demographic

Tell us what you do.

New Demographic is an anti-racism training company. Two blogs. Anti-racistparent, racealicious and a podcast addicted to race.

Why have a free-for all about race, when you had so many other choices. (laughter)

(wireless down)

Started without strategy, but now you have two blogs, a podcast, etc. How do you get it all done?

I love doing what I do. I don’t see them as marketing tool–it is a part of the company. I have the part of it that’s grassroots because anyone can go online and participate. Also does pre-timed blogging and then the posts trickle down for less time-sensitive issues. Using delicious, i use daily blogpost, anything you bookmark are published to your blog the next morning. For me, that’s how I cover the subjects without taking too much time.

What are your results? What are you getting back?

I’ve gotten a lot. Number one thing is media coverage, New Demographic has been featured on CNN, NPR–lots of media coverage. This has established my reputation as an expert in this area. That’s huge. Also, speaking engagements–every single client has come to me through the podcast. They’re long-time listeners. All the time I was building connection without realizing it. Also, more interest from daytime talk shows and a book agent contacted me–this is all….. I don’t have tons of traffic from my blogs, so my point is you can accomplish a lot without tons of traffic.

What’s the one thing someone had told you someone had told you before you started this?

Can’t think of anything. My tips–1) don’t forget about email newsletter. There’s still a lot of value in a lot of people on those lists. Put on your homepage–some kind of free offer content along with email sign up. 2) Make it obvious who you are and how someone can contact you. Make it clear on your site–spell it out. It really helps cut down the confusion.

# Large Enterprise Blog: Maria Niles interviews Staci Schiller from the Wells Fargo Blogs team.

(wireless issues–arrrrgghhhhh!)

Dear friends who regularly read this blog, the next few days will be a Blogher extravaganza. If this is not your cup of tea, I totally understand and hope you have a lovely nap while these details I record. I’m live-blogging this afternoon on some business case studies related to blogging and wishing I had a RedBull between now and then to ensure I can keep up. (Links added later)

Right now we’re in the General Session trying to answer the question what is the “social web” and so far Twitter is winning in terms of getting some serious buzz as an example of social media. Tara Hunt would be so proud. For those of you who are new to Twitter, it’s a social media tool that helps users answer the question “What are you doing right now?” My sister Kris is here with baby Nathan and she’s Twittering on a Palm right now. I’m hoping this catapults her into twitter stardom since she’s the best one liner I know.

I am so delighted to see Sage in person and to meet Stephanie, a dear reader of this blog.

One sad point. My friends and colleagues, Clay and Rachel Cook from Minti could not make the conference. I was so looking forward to meeting them since they are trying to do great things for parents and web 2.0. There’s still Chicago.

Okay, time to pay attention here.

Only a minute to blog this morning, but wanted to share these two realizations:

1. I could have worn pajamas and it would all be fine.
2. While obsessing about fashion, it would also be a good idea to not forget to pack more than one pair of UNDERWEAR. Thankfully there is a Victoria Secret’s on every corner here in New York. Dave will think the souvenirs from this trip are the best ever. Also, remembering to bring deodorant would have been ideal.

Lots to report, but my highlight yesterday was meeting Someone Who Knows and having the zine and my illustration style warmly received. I am so delighted I cannot even tell you. More about that later. Other high points? Having a stretch limo offer to take some bloghers home from Cain, meeting very sweet people from Palm, getting to reconnect with one of my sheroes Lisa Stone over fish and chips at O’Reilly’s pub.

one of my favorite pilgrimages to make when in the city–M&J Trimmings, a ribbon store

I just don’t have it in me to stay up one more minute. My business cards are finally printed and neatly cut, so artful and amazing thanks to Nick. All the clothes I’ve been collecting on various shopping sprees are piled high on the couch, hoping for a suitcase sometime soon. A nice collection of favorite necklaces waits on the table for the final casting call. Tomorrow–no make that today!–I’m leaving for New York and Blogher Business 07. I can hardly wait.

I have loved being in New York for as long as I can remember. In some ways, I am not quite myself until my feet hit those city streets.

I’m looking forward to being in that place and can’t wait to be with Bloghers I admire so much. This year, I’m working the conference which means I get to wander around live-blogging on Friday in exchange for a shiny conference pass. I’ll also get to be one of those people standing in hallways telling other people where the bathroom is–which should be fun since I’m severely directionally-challenged. No wait–I’ll bring my compass ring! That way I’ll know where the bathroom is AND everyone’s true north!

Okay, enough silliness. Off to find that suitcase! Here’s hoping something magical happens to you before lunch.

me and Tilky, Books and Books, Coral Gables, Florida

Tomorrow I’m off on an adventure to retrieve my passport from the overloaded passport service–hopefully just in time to see this dear friend get married so far away in South Africa. It will be a little miracle I’m told, but I have a feeling all will be well. My heart is lined up with the new name they are typing in that tiny book, finally after all these years. I plan to go to that office with my heart ready to receive, my hands a tiny tray where passports come home to fly.

When I did my Mondo Beyondo list last year, I had a chance to ask myself that oh-so powerful question–what do you want? And when my heart answered, “I want to travel with my family to faraway lands” the Universe answered the only way that might really get us there–an invitation to a wedding we simply couldn’t miss.

Tonight as I light my candle, I ask myself the same question again. Things are happening over here. I feel the question this time as a request–an invitation to be blessed. An opportunity to enter into joy. I wonder this night as I dream what my soul’s answer will be. What amazing kindness waits.

In lieu of answers, this favorite quote comes back to me. It reminds me of my sister Kate who loved to listen to Dr. King on tape so many decades later:

Everybody can be great… because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.

How ever I choose to answer that question, I’m aware of how deeply I want a soul generated by love–the kind of heart that holds on to hope, even when I am so prone to despair. Blessings all. I’m sure my dreams will tell me even truer tales as I sleep this night.

Ocean Beach, CA, July 2006–photo by cookie

Dark, dark night has come to my sleepy street. I sit here in my dining room, taking in the amazing quiet and the fact that this house is clean, clean, clean. Not that any of it is my doing, no, no. This weekend Dave gave me an unlimited get-out-of-jail free card, and while I’ve been out and about shopping for my sanity, he’s been puttering around the house, cooking kick-ass meals and putting all my disrepair back in order.

I don’t like to write about marriage too often–mostly because I am not that good at being married, the same way I’m not that great at keeping my house in order. I’m not a very good roommate; I don’t put things away. I’m shocked–truly and honestly shocked–when things don’t go my way. I have trouble remembering Dave is different that I am. I forget almost every single day that I have to say what I’m thinking–plainly and in English–so Dave has an honest chance to understand my heart.

Marriage–like art or parenting or any other passion you devote your life to–requires that you do your soul work or run the risk of a little part of you dying. When you’re young and foolish, this sounds like the perfect kind of challenge. Ten years later, you realize just how much work you have left to do.

Sometimes I like to tell myself that being married means it’s impossible for me to pursue my writing or my art. There’s so much responsibility, so much continuity. I can’t just pack up my backpack and follow a story across the country when it occurs to me. I can’t disappear for a week or a month or a year to do my work and then turn up again like a drifter. These are the little stories I tell myself on bad days. As if anyone has this kind of reckless freedom.

Most of the time what really holds me back from my creativity is my fear of the hard parts. Of finishing something and finding out it’s not so great. Of trying something and finding out I’m not that good. Art, like my marriage, asks me to stay even when it’s scary. Writing, like my marriage, asks me to put it down in plain English even when I’m still learning the landscape of my dark, lovely heart.

Last night I had a dream that Dave was preparing an enormous fire in our living room. He was stacking the wood and the kindling in such a way that all it would take is one spark to create a blaze akin to the burning bush. Across from the fireplace, there was a beautiful bed with linens so lovely, I didn’t even want to touch them. I stood at the doorway of that dream, taking in that scene, feeling how happy Dave was to make that fire for me. I’m making this fire to keep you warm, he said. It was one of the most hopeful dreams I have ever had–about my marriage and my art.

All my life, I have resisted the notion of hearth and home, even as I made this choice my own. So many times I’ve chosen to see my creative life through the flame of the little matchgirl instead of the blaze of a roaring fire and the comforts of a warm dry bed. So far, that’s been enough to get me by, but maybe not for much longer.

My marriage, my soul, my art and even my dreams–each invites me now to put down those traveling shoes, slip into something more comfortable. Let someone else in the picture–maybe the kind one who sleeps in my bed each night. Maybe the secret hidden part of me that knows how to enjoy that much stability. That much wild primal light.

I’m learning how important it is that I listen to this story. It’s about so much more than marriage really. It is the story of gathering the confidence and trust I need to pour out my passion and my art.

+++++

It’s 4:30 in the morning now. The comments serve as confessional this morning for any and all hopes and fears related to your creative journey. Anonymous, you especially–no experience in or out of marriage required. At nightfall, I’ll light a candle and say a blessing as a way of adding some hope to our way.