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wishing for an all-nighter at Tilky’s party in Franschhoek, South Africa, before I turned into a pumpkin when the clock struck twelve

Chugging a killer cup of coffee Nick brewed for me and considering the all-nighter. Remember those? Up until very recently when I couldn’t quite pull off an all-nighter, I could at least wake up every night from one to three in the morning and churn out sentences until the Muse agreed she’d had enough already. Now I love sleep more than I ever have in my entire life. After many years of nursing babies and waking at the first intake of breath before a loud wail, I hear nothing. Someone better be dying to get me to so much as turn my head.

But still. There’s something magical about the work you can get done when everyone else is sleeping. No one calls you at 3AM. No one comes to the door or plops on your couch and wants to talk for five minutes–or an hour. A few hours in and you forget it’s the middle of the night. You take your time, get in the zone, get distracted with lovely little projects you could never indulge in daylight hours. Or. You get on your hands and knees and scrub the toilet, call your friends in different time zones, tell long, long stories about how you met that boyfriend in college or broke up with the one after that. It’s all good.

Of course, any good all-nighter ends in a glorious dawn and then a horrific morning and an even more disasterous afternoon. Not to mention the fact that some people say you only have a certain number of all-nighters in your system and after that–poof!–your body simply refuses to cooperate. But let’s not worry about all that. Tonight I have coffee to energize me, a messy house to be conquered and the beauty of night to double as childcare. We’ll see if I still have it in me.

Sweet dreams all–may night be kind whether you sleep or wake! Feel free to recount your official position on all-nighters in the comments below.

a lucious peony from our backyard gets ready to unfurl

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
Anais Nin

Special thanks to my friend Yvette for sending this my way. Are there any risks in your life you feel ready to take? Is today your day to do something daring, something new? I’ll be musing on how to answer that question myself from the confines (or delicious freedom!) of my studio this afternoon. Hope you’re having a great day.

Carter jumping into the Indian Ocean, Spring 2007

Carter is Person of the Week at his preschool today. When I asked him what kind of pictures he wanted to bring in, he said, “Whatever you want.” I can only imagine how he will torment the women in his future with this seemingly magnanimous response! “Whatever you want” turns into me sitting up half the night, going through our digital library looking for something, anything of Carter that gives the impression that he does anything besides:

1. Look cute eating his ten daily bowls of cereal.
2. Look cute falling asleep in odd places (on the kitchen floor, in the car, in Madeleine’s arms)
3. Look cute making goofy poses and faces when all you wanted him to do was smile sweetly for the camera, goddammit.

Beyond the problem of the pictures, we have the problem of The Dirt Ring starting to form around his neck. It’s possible to get Carter to take a bath–difficult, arduous, a mild form of torture–but possible. Actually taking a washcloth to his body and scrubbing him is another story altogether. As a result, on his best days Carter is clean-ish more than actually clean. I know I won’t win mother of the year for telling you this, but I’m just sayin’, that’s all.

It could be because I am The Mother of The Person of the Week (nooo!), but I would LOVE Carter to go to school without The Dirt Ring today. Even so, all petty mother posturing aside, something’s got to be done. So if you hear screaming from the upstairs bathroom, please don’t call Social Services. It’s just us erasing the evidence of little boy bliss and The Dirt Ring–which will be right back where it belongs quicker than you can say candy necklaces and ice cream truck popsicles.

Happy Tuesday everyone! Here’s hoping your week is short and sweet.

One of Madeleine’s favorite pictures from the Fall–from the back of a fire truck at the police station where we commemorated Walk To School Day. She’s grown up so much since then.

Well, with the end of the long weekend, our contest comes to a close. Thank you to Kelly Rae Roberts for the interview and to Madeleine for deliberating so long and hard over our contest winners. In case you didn’t guess yet–at least seven Jen/nifers comment on this blog from time to time.

Madeleine would like to say:

After a lot of thinking and marking in my notebook, the winners are Kyran and Deb. I want to give lots of credit to Goddess of Leonie because she probably thought a lot about her answer. Her answer had lots of spirit! I loved all the little smiley faces. I wanted to laugh with joy.

Kyran of Notes To Self will receive a print from Kelly Rae Roberts
Deb of Earth Mama Goddess will receive a copy of The Artist’s Way from yours truly for herself or some other yet-to-be discovered artist in her world who needs the encouragement.
And runner-up Leonie will receive some good Madeleine ju-ju via the Universe.

I’m not quite sure how I found mixed media artist and kindred spirit Kelly Rae Roberts–it might have been right on Etsy or maybe through Laini’s site. In any event, I’ll never forget sorting through her archives and realizing that over the course of less than a year, her life as an artist had taken off. As a serious procrastinator, this little fact meant the world to me and made me want to get to know Kelly better. I recently asked her to share her story for this blog, and she kindly agreed. Enjoy her wisdom along with the possiblity of winning one of her prints. Contest details follow the interview below.

One of the things that blows me away about your story is that in some ways art is a recent discovery for you. That before you started working with mixed media you had an entirely different focus for your life that had nothing to do with making art. Would you mind giving as a brief timeline of your life with art–what you were doing before and what you’re doing now.

Absolutely, it seemed as if my life’s trajectory completely changed in a very short amount of time. In a nutshell, it happened like this (oops, this may be longer than “in a nutshell”):

In the fall of 2005, while I was working full time as a medical social worker, a friend of mine sent me a link to Sabrina Ward Harrision’s website. I had never seen her work before and I was immediately and completely drawn to it. I loved how she collaged her own photography with her journaling and how it was messy, but truthful all at once. Nothing had quite inspired me like her work. I felt a whisper inside nudging me to experiment with art. So, I started to visit crafty stores and began making Christmas gifts
involving scrapbook papers, photos, and words.

By January 2006, I had discovered an entire world I never knew existed: the world of mixed media art. I discovered Cloth/Paper/Scissors magazine and the various Somerset magazines, all full of a kind of art I had not seen before. Through the web, I found the works of artists like DJ Pettitt, Claudine
Hellmuth, Anahata Katkin. I had also discovered Illustration Friday
(illustrationfriday.com), and started participating in their weekly challenges. During this time, I found myself spending a lot of time researching, discovering, and immersing myself with what I had found. I felt a compulsion to create and to expand my work beyond scrapbooking. I wanted to paint.

So, I began to experiment with painting faces in February 2006 and I would stay up into the wee hours of the night experimenting, playing with paints, with ideas. It felt like a huge burden had been released when I finally started putting paint onto paper, a sort of healing if you will. In those early works, I was humbled by my creations, and was trying to find my style. It was difficult and joyous all at once.

I had heard about ArtFest and had the opportunity to attend in March 2006. I was still quite new at creating, especially painting, but it was during those few days at that art retreat that I had some very real clarity about what I wanted to do. I was surrounded by people just like me. People who
were inspired and compelled to live a creative life. I came home from that event with a focus and a level of inspiration I had never known before. I was ready to quit my full time job as a medical social worker and make art 24/7. Of course, that didn’t happen. I kept my job, but spent most of my free time creating and learning about the process.

In August 2006, my husband and I moved from Portland, Oregon to Oakland, California where he had been accepted to graduate school. I decided to take the opportunity that moving had to offer and forgo getting another full time job and would instead get a part time job doing medical social work while I pursued a career in artmaking. It ended up being a wise decision, though I remember worrying about how we would financially make it with just one of us employed part time while the other attended graduate school full time, especially given the much higher expense of the Bay area compared to Portland. Nevertheless, I thought the timing was perfect and I just went for it, with the support of my husband. That same month, I opened an Etsy shop
and began to sell originals and prints. The response was good, but not earth shattering! During this time, I was doing a ton of research about printers, epson papers, scanners, shipping options, computer software, etc. It was a
never ending period of questions to ask and decisions to make. During this time, I also applied for, and was accepted as an emerging artist for a popular San Francisco Art Festival (Celebration of Craftswomen) to be held in November.

In September 2006, I launched my website (www.KellyRaeRoberts.com) after a friend told me about Freeway, a web designing tool for mac users. Having a website out there in the world proved to be invaluable. It seemed things really started happening after that. I continued to learn more painting
techniques, both in books and at art retreats, including Art&Soul held in Portland in October 2006. And I continued to sell my pieces on Etsy.

In November 2006, I had my first booth at an art festival in San Francisco (Celebration of Craftswomen). I sold prints, originals, cards, and I remember being in heaven, the feeling that strangers were buying my work and with such enthusiasm and connection. It was a validating couple of days for me.

Around the same time, Christine Mason Miller (aka Swirly girl) asked if I
would be a part of a group gallery show to be held in LA in February. I jumped at the opportunity, again and continually amazed at how quickly things were happening. The show went very well. The momentum now of the life I was creating was really beginning to sink in. I was loving every moment of it.

An editor contacted me just before the show in LA and asked if I would be interested in writing a book about art and inspiration and the creative life. She had been reading my blog and following my story and felt it would translate well to a book. I am currently in the joyous throws of putting that book together now! It’s tentatively titled Taking Flight: Projects & Ideas that will Make Your Spirit Soar and is set for release next fall.

One year after attending ArtFest, I returned to the event again in March 2007. It was an incredible experience to look back at where I was just one year prior as a person who had just discovered the art world and who now was selling her works on etsy, at ArtFest vendor nite (an incredible frenzy of people and buyers), at art festivals, at a gallery, and now writing a book. I am continually amazed at the lesson of getting back what you put in. It’s been a dream come true.

So, there you have it. That’s my timeline (so far)!

I think this is so encouraging because so many times we want to try something or do something, but it’s so far out of our realm of every day life that we talk ourselves out of it before we even get started. What convinced you to give art a chance? How long did you overlap before you decided you could cut back on your other job?

What convinced me to give art a chance was the constant nagging of my inner voice begging and pleading for me to do it. I was losing sleep over the “what ifs”. What if I don’t take this opportunity NOW? What if I wait and 10 years go by and I regret that I didn’t start living the life I had dreamed of? What if my life becomes burdened by regret? In essence, I couldn’t bare the “what ifs”. I had to give myself and my art a chance. I also realized that it’s never a good time to make any changes in one’s life. We’ll never have enough money to buy that first house, to move to that city, to have our
first child, to go on vacation, etc. I just couldn’t bare the idea of money limiting the potential for my life. What I’ve learned since is that we do have control over our efforts. Once I convinced myself that effort leads to great changes, things started falling into place. All I had to do was do the work. And the work (making art) happened to be something I was in love with.

I am still overlapping my art life with my part-time job (though I was able to quit my full time job right around the same time I started selling on Etsy). I expect to continue this for awhile, at least until my husband is done with graduate school!

You’ve covered a lot of ground in a relatively short amount of time. When I see other people doing that, I’m tempted to think that that kind of trajectory is only possible for other people, that I need to spend more time in the trenches, pay my dues or something, before I can let myself really succeed. This might seem like a crazy question, but how do you keep taking the next steps (showing your work, writing a book, etc) without totally freaking out and shutting down the whole process? Do you ever get scared that things are going so fast?

Well, I do freak out! I’ve had random thoughts of “I wonder what would happen if I just stopped. If I just one day deleted my website, my blog, and just stopped.” I think it’s normal to sometimes be overwhelmed by all of it, by the personal expectations, by external expectations, and by the pressure to produce and make things happen. When I start to get worried or overwhelmed, I try to be intentional about taking a break. Getting out of the house. Going on artist dates. Walking around San Francisco is one of my favorite things to do. Getting some perspective outside of my apartment or
my studio is great therapy for me. I try to remind myself that this isn’t a competition. There will always be time. There will always be art. It’s ok to rest! I don’t ever what this to feel like a burden.

What’s a regular work day like for you? Do you work on several projects at once or do you choose one thing and go with that from start to finish?

I currently work 2 or 3 days a week at my medical social work job. On those days, I typically come home from work and try to get my orders ready to be shipped out, or I’ll work on the business side of my art life, such as applying to shows or researching opportunities. On the days that I’m not at my part time job, I typically spend my mornings walking my dog, catching up on emails, and my afternoons and evenings working in the studio. Sometimes, I work on just one painting from start to finish and other times I work on several backgrounds all at once. I suppose it depends on my mood. I do find that whenever I’m in the studio, I lose time. Hours go by without notice. The music is usually on , the windows open, my apron is on, and I’m happily getting very messy!

I try to give myself one day a week off. That means no art, no job, no computer. Instead, a full day off to relax & regroup. Some weeks are better than others. I have a fear of becoming a work-a-holic. I don’t want that for myself, so I work very hard at balance.

Is there any one person, idea or thing that you keep coming back to and saying to yourself–”Oh my God, I don’t know if this would have happened without blah blah blah?” Or is it more of an internal process for you?

Yes, I often say to my friend Brooke Butler, “If you had not sent that email to me with Sabrina Ward Harrison’s link, I don’t know where I’d be!” Or, I often credit blogging with opening up my world to all the creativity and inspiration out there. Sites such as Illustration Friday have been huge in my journey.

Also, the idea that we actually can transform our lives with one little step at a time has been huge for me. That we don’t have to live our lives in a job that isn’t nourishing to our souls. That we can have some control over our decisions and efforts. That we can make postive changes, little by little, towards our dream life. I just love it. I have learned in the past year to be better at not allowing fear to dictact my decisions.

Favorite music these days?

Brandi Carlile
Jack Johnson
Mason Jennings
The Weepies

Favorite snack?

Chocolate. In any form.

Do you read blogs? Any favorites right now we might not know about?

Of yes, I read many blogs. I recently discovered bloglines which has really
helped me get organized in blogworld! I especially love reading the blogs of people I actually know in my real life. Having my friends (and family) start blogs has been a treat for me. It’s another way to stay connected. I also
love all the crafty blogs out there -it’s a huge inspiration for me to see all the creations being born out of fabric right now.

I’m having a hard time staying off Etsy these days. I think Etsy alone might drive me to PayPal bankruptcy. Do you buy art from Etsy or do you use it solely as a seller? (You were my very first introduction to Etsy, btw! I had no idea what it was until I followed the link from your blog.)

Whenever I really start to explore Etsy, I get entirely overwhelmed with all the goodness. I have a hard time making any decisions when it comes to buying anything on there! I have recently started asking vendors at various craft markets if they have an etsy site, and I’m amazed that most of them do! It’s such a great idea, that site and I’m happy to support it.

What’s on your list of Mondo Beyondo dreams these days? Anything you’d care to share?

My current Mondo Beyondo dreams would be to travel more, to get back to Italy. To have an art show in San Francisco before John graduates and we move back to Portland. To pour myself into this book I’m writing and for it to be a success.

Kelly has graciously agreed to give a print of her work to one of our gracious commenters–and I’d love to give a copy of Artist’s Way along with a zine to someone in the comments as well. So the “contest” is as follows! Guess what is the most common name of all those who comment on this blog, win a prize. Or. Delurk and have Madeleine pick your name out of a hat. I hope you all are as inspired by Kelly as I am. I’m off on a 12 hour field trip this morning–with 50 second graders! Wish me luck.

I keep coming back to this quote–something I read in Sun Magazine. I feel acutely aware at this moment, that some stories do not finish nicely, that some narratives unfold without redemption in the final scene. Right this second, people all over the world are struggling to make it through the day, through this hour, through this very minute–and yet!

I can’t let go of this idea–the Unseen Life dreaming us. Maybe it’s only visible in tiny things; maybe it requires a special kind of visual aid–like night goggles or something. Maybe the Unseen Life defies language and is consequently grossly underreported. In any event, these words are my mantra lately. I am holding on to hope–that Love is all around, that we can trust ourselves and That Life more than we realize. Even when we suffer. Even when everything goes nothing like we planned.

More Love here and here. Tomorrow an interview (and a gift) from Kelly Rae Roberts.

About Lourdes, me and the DMV. I cry, you laugh. It’s better than Cats. A little bit over nine minutes.

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I have no idea if this player will really work or not, but if you have any trouble, try this link instead.

Me and Moira, who spent the last year collecting 600 pennies from the streets of Washington, DC while waiting with her mother at bus stops. “It’s for my college, Tia,” she told me.

Today Lourdes, Moira and I are making a long trek to some obscure little country DMV in rural Maryland in hopes of getting a driver’s license for Lourdes once and for all. Lourdes has been sent on a six month paper chase to get the right documents to fulfill quickly tightening identification requirements in Maryland, and this is her fourth and final appointment she can get before her passport expires. If the rules have changed (yet again) or her current forms of ID are not accepted, she will not be able to get a driver’s license for many years to come.

As an undocumented worker–brought here and kept in a forced labor situation for two years without pay or freedom to leave–having this form of legal ID will be a huge help to both Lourdes and Moira as they work towards legal status and a more sustainable standard of living.

Someday Lourdes and I will write her life story and win the Pulitzer, but between now and then, a driver’s license would be great. Your kind words, prayers, positive thoughts, freshly lit candles–all of it would be greatly appreciated as we set out on this great adventure! This woman is one of my dearest friends and brings endless joy to my life–it would make me so happy to see things go well for her today.

Bliss by artist and friend Kelly Rae Roberts. She and I had a great conversation about moving into a life of art which I will publish in interview form this week

First off, thanks are in order! Your finishing advice was truly exceptional and just the push I needed and continue to need as I work my way down my list. The piece I was editing just went up on the online Imagining Ourselves Exhibit for the International Museum of Women in San Francisco. My soulsister Irene Nam connected me to the curator and gave me the nudge to even try. In the end–as these things usually go–it didn’t turn out to be such a big deal after all, but it always helps to have the adrenaline of this-could-change-everything to get you going. I’m happy, too, to have had the (somewhat grueling) experience of putting a packet together for a museum submission–truly an educational first for me.

Other highlights aside from finishing this project and putting in some good work hours on the zine?

Riding bikes with Madeleine down to the Theater to see a production of Richard the Third, performed entirely by kids, with an amazing amount of blood and gore.
Also, riding back in the near dark, realizing we were dressed exactly the same–jeans, t-shirt, white jacket (mine linen, hers jean)–our hair in pony tails
Going for a run with Jess, remembering that yes, I can still run! I still have a runner in me somewhere!
Staying up late, talking to Rachel about how her mom died four years ago this week.
Sipping port on the porch with my urban fam
Taking the kids on a short sailing expedition on the Eastern shore with Nick and Jess taking turns playing captain
Seeing the session I proposed for Blogher on the conference announcements–it’s called It’s Your Passion Not Your Size That Matters–woohoo
Snuggling with Carter on the couch

Low points?
Realizing that all that cheesecake I ate in New York did indeed mean I gained 1.2 pounds at Weight Watchers this week.
Losing Dave’s keys for the 1,000,000,000th time in our 13 year relationship, this very morning, when he was on his way to work
Seeing a dear friend cry, realizing I had no words for the sadness in her soul (sigh)

Up this week:
An interview (and a prize!) from artist Kelly Rae Roberts
A nice little list of tips for finishing (thanks to you)

Feel free to add your weekend highs and lows in the comments below.

Glasses Twins Jen and Dave take a photo so they can buy one more minute before deciding what to do after the show

Okay, I should say from the beginning that the sheer purpose of this post is to help me avoid a particular heinous editing assignment. Pure procrastination to put it bluntly. I am not particularly gifted in the editing department until you edit something of mine and then I know exactly how it should have been done differently. Isn’t it funny how genius works this way?

Anyway, this one small assignment is at the top of a very large stack of things that I would rather be doing. Out of that stack, three of those projects are at the midway point, and I am realizing it’s time to buckle down and focus, focus, focus on something (anything!) or by next week I’ll be lying on the floor in the middle of my bedroom typing out long languishing posts trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me.

In hopes of saving us all from that drama, I ask you, dear friends, what is your best advice when it comes to finishing? I’ll take anything–how to decide what to finish, how to motivate yourself to finish, how to steal the extra time you need to finish–anything. If finishing is one of your superpowers, this is your chance to save the rest of us from certain doom. Just one sentence would help a lot. I’ll post our collective list over the weekend, so the wisdom will be available on the internet for decades to come.