We received word today that Odette’s oldest daughter Grace (12) has been diagnosed with TB. You can read more about TB here. Grace had undiagnosed malaria earlier this year–we moved mountains to get her hospitalized and treated, and have the kindness of strangers to thank for that little miracle. After that, we thought Grace was on the mend, but her malaria symptoms started coming back late last week and her overall health has not improved. This time around Odette found a way for her to go to a different hospital where she received a more thorough evaluation, revealing that she not only had TB, but that one of her lungs was severely damaged. She is very, very sick, as you can imagine, and afraid.
I have never seen Odette this sad or scared. Some of you have asked what it would take to bring the girls here. Please know we are aggressively and actively working on this right now (as we have been for some time) and have every reason to believe the proper papers will come. Odette has been asked to stay here for the interim in order to ensure this process. If I could say more, I would, believe me.
I am trying to remain hopeful, but I have to be totally honest and say that I am very scared, too. Please light a candle for Grace that her life would be saved, for Odette that she would be okay in her heart and for me that I will be however I need to be. I’m not sure if that’s a rock of strength or a flow of tears. I am so worried. Odette is asking me if I think Grace will be okay and I don’t know what to say.
I’m sorry to be such a downer, but this is what’s happening right now. We appreciate you all more than you will ever, ever know.
good friends who still get in amazing amounts of trouble having too much fun
This morning I’m not feeling the love so much as last night I experienced what appears to be a fatal hard drive crash on my computer. This is the third hard drive crash I’ve had in less than two years, so I’m beginning to wonder if it’s me. I heart you technology! Please stop breaking up with me!
Thankfully, Nick had compassion on me and went into immediate crisis mode as I produced one after another of the wrong disk for whatever magical task he needed to do to bring this baby (and 60% of my photos, all my music and some other random things) back to life. How many hard drive crashes does one person need to decide to back-up regularly and systematically? In the end, we decided to put off the rescue mission and get me up and running ASAP. I have a new (bigger, better?) hard drive on the way and some other thing we need to try to get my data off cleanly before braving the Apple Store Geniuses, my least favorite teenagers on earth. I hate to say it, but it’s true.
So.
It’s Love Thursday. Hard drive crashes in the middle of major projects or not, there are still these two on the swing. Still Odette in all her magic. Still this art accumulated in stacks in my studio, waiting for the scanner. Still this excitement about seeing Odette’s girls, about taking this book, about the warm welcome waiting for me in Rwanda as more people hear about our project and want to help us get the book into as many little hands as possible. You can read about it here (and still give if you want in on the madness–every penny from here on out will go towards printing more books.)
I’m taking a deep breath and praying for ridiculously cheap prices from the world’s best printer today and a little bit of peace for this technology shaped hole in my heart.
a watercolor and ink painting of odette and her brother innocent from our upcoming zine
A much-needed phone call from my friend and favorite superhero Andrea helped me breakthrough a crisis in perspective today. I’ve had myself all wound up thinking I had to be in hyper-vigilant mode to get the art finished for this zine. Since everything else about this project has been falling into place effortlessly, the contrast in my approach to this part of the project was sticking out and making me stuck.
Do I have to be in crisis-mode to get something done?
Do I have to create an atmosphere of difficulty and struggle to stay true to my tasks?
Do I have to be serious to finish? What are my other options and how can I access them?
We talked for a long time as A. helped me try on some different ways of looking at the project, seeing it first through my current perspective, and then trying on a few others, just for fun. Right now I’m working on seeing things through the perspective of these darling illustrated chickens I just painted who happen to play a starring role in our zine. Don’t laugh!–it’s working magic for me and I have a wonderful late afternoon burst of energy for my work! Maybe things don’t have to be quite as serious as I thought.
Isn’t it funny how we lock ourselves in to seeing our life and our work one particular way to the exclusion of all others? I double dog dare you to try on a new perspective today and find yourself delighted in what happens next.
I want to get back to work, but not before asking you to check out the HopeREVO.com post about sending love notes to Africa via my suitcase.
UPDATE: Some of you have asked about what I’m using supply-wise for this project. I hope someday soon to write a post on this subject, but the quick version is this: Bristol board (smooth) by Strathmore (or whatever’s on sale) or hot pressed watercolor paper made by Arches (if I have extra cash). Calli ink in black for outline. Fill in color for this project is Winston Newton Drawing Inks.
Thank you so much for all the input on how to get going when you feel overwhelmed. It’s the best list ever. A few of those tricks and I’ve been busy at work in my studio ever since. There are a whole new set of challenges in that space, but thankfully I have this dear girl above to set me straight!
Yesterday I spent the better part of the day fighting with my scanner and barking at everyone and anyone who dared interrupt to ask me a question or bring me good cheer. Madeleine was one of the recipients of my anger, and instead of barking back, she decided to leave this picture on my computer screen, along with a few others and a very loving note.
Most of the note should remain private, but one part seems fitting for these pages. She asked me oh-so-gently in the way only a sage-child can, if I’d mind saying why I was so mad, that she hated to bring it up on such a stressful day, but she’d love to know–”Is it the scanner, something else, or me?” And then she told me she loved me. Under this picture was the caption: It’s all so wonderfully true!
Who’s the grown-up now, I wonder?
This kind truth from Madeleine helped me entertain another–that my family had absolutely no idea that my anger (while directed at them) had absolutely nothing to do with any one of them. And that most days, I’m too quick to find something or someone to blame when I’m mad–when the real problem is not someone else, not the scanner, but Me.
The Me who thinks everything (and everyone) should cooperate immediately and without question.
The Me who thinks that technology should be all about pleasing me and not-so-much about asking me to master new skills.
The Me who thinks that my timetable and my demands are reasonable (let’s go to Rwanda and illustrate a book before we go! all in three weeks!) even when all the information available reveals otherwise.
Mad’s willingness to ask me what was wrong without judging me helped me out of this particular hole last night. If this isn’t grace, I don’t know what is. I feel so, so thankful.
Today I climb back up those stairs, back to the Tower and to that Me and that scanner. I hope this time around, I’ll have a little more patience and little more grace not only for this–but for these dear ones who love me the most.
Carter on Saturday. Love this boy and his wild, messy, deep ways–so much.
Lots of stress roaming the floors of my house this morning. I feel the discontent rising in the air along with the stress of taking on tasks that would usually take months, not weeks. This always seems to happen when I’m on the edge of something. I never know if this is just the way things are or if I manufacture a special kind of chaos at the exact moment when calm would be just fine.
For the sake of my mental health, here’s a reminder list of things that usher quiet back into my world when I start to feel scared or overwhelmed.
1. Taking pictures. Just a few seconds of someone or something I love will do the trick.
2. Lying in the grass of my backyard.
3. A cup of tea.
4. Talking nicely to myself, telling myself kind things.
5. Breathing. Deeply. Slowly.
6. Taking a walk. Or paying attention on the little walks I do everyday, like taking the kids to school.
7. Listening.
8. Playing with paints as opposed to working with them.
9. Soaking in sounds of a kindred spirit. Today might be a day for The Innocence Mission (thanks, Jen) or maybe The Weepies. Or if I need to know my power, Ani, the truest mentor on my path.
10. Letting go of judgment and not holding it too close if people around me are angry or sad.
11. Doing a simple thing. Like unloading the dishwasher or picking paper up off the floor.
12. Climbing up the stairs to The Tower and doing my work, one little line at a time.
What helps you do your work when stress is rising? I’d love to know in the comments below.
I’m so sorry for the links showing up at the bottom of recent posts. I desperately hope that you’re not finding more of the same on this one. My blog is acting very strange–the last two posts that popped up are from a year ago. So bear with me as I figure out what’s up and how to solve it.
“Ask what makes you come alive and do that. Because what the world needs are people who have come alive.” ~Howard Thurman
I feel totally and completely alive this week. So much is happening so fast, I had to go out in my backyard yesterday and just lie on the grass in the sun and try to let myself absorb every last bit of goodness surrounding me. I didn’t even mind being in tax hell today or digging out the downstairs after a week of total and utter neglect–everything has been unfolding so beautifully.
Last Thursday I bought my ticket (someone pinch me) and tomorrow I will go get every shot known to man (or woman) just in time to make the four weeks out mark. The text of the zine and the translations are not only finished and ready for illustration, they are truly inspiring and so full of hope Odette and I can hardly stand it.
More than $6300 has been donated by over 150 people (you amazing kindred spirits!!) from several different countries. This is about $1800 more than my original basic outline of a budget–a miracle I am still trying to wrap my mind around. When I first budgeted the printing costs for the zine, I knew my original numbers would get me the smallest cheapest zine available and that I might drive myself crazy trying to illustrate in such a small format. So having the extra funds does a couple of things:
1. It makes it possible for us to print the zine in a slightly bigger, more manageable size from an illustration perspective. 5.25 x 8.25 instead of 5.25 square.
2. It makes it possible for us to offset print which means higher quality and quicker turnaround.
3. It makes it possible to print a large enough run, so we can sell a portion of the zines here in the United States and take more to Rwanda. The zine then takes on another microfinance aspect–Odette might be able to generate income from the sale of the zine in the U.S. and use that money however she likes–either to print more books or to do something to benefit her girls more directly. More on this in future posts.
4. It makes it possible to do more for Odette’s daughters and the other little girls they know. We’ve had some amazing offers of support and kindness that will let us be really creative with how we encourage girls–especially in the girls’ leadership and empowerment department. More on this later, too.
What’s amazing to me is to know that not only am I totally coming alive with this project, but Odette is, too. The other day as she was plugging away at the computer, going over zine text for the fiftieth time, trying to find the right keys, she looked up at me and said, “Jen. I did not know until this day that I am meant for making books! I love to write these words SO much. Go ahead–take my picture of me writing my book.” And of course, I did.
Almost my whole life I have known the joy of writing and known this work is mine, and to see Odette discover that she is a natural born writer is so incredible for me, I can’t even tell you. And she truly is meant for this work. Her words and her storytelling in this zine are pure magic.
Ever since I have known Odette, she’s been concerned for the future of girls in Africa. I’ve watched her do incredible things to keep her own girls in school and to make sure she was doing everything in her power to ensure they have a bright future, even so far away. Though we can’t tell those stories here, I have total confidence that this family will not only be reunited, but that Odette’s work right now on this project will play an important part in empowering so many girls we’ll never even meet. Even little books like ours can be incredibly powerful that way.
I have to go back in the Tower and hibernate with my paints, but more news is coming from HopeRevo very soon about how you can make a hope note to send with me to a girl in Rwanda.
And if your mind is totally elsewhere, here’s a love letter you won’t want to miss, from my favorite Superhero. And a lovely image and essay about pushing past the fear from my soulsister Stephanie–a brand new Shutter Sister. And before I forget, I have a piece in the May issue of Good Housekeeping magazine–that’s announcement number three! I think it hit the newstands today.
Thank you for letting me ramble on, and know how deeply thankful I am for each and every one of you.
Odette and Madeleine making a girlpower mix in English and KinyaRwanda on GarageBand. You can listen to it at the end of this post.
When we first knew it was a possibility that I could go to Rwanda and visit Odette’s girls (before we had any idea about the money), we sat down at the kitchen table and made a list of all the things I might do while I was there and all the things I might take. It didn’t take long to quantify the basic things that might help Odette’s daughters–we both knew they desperately needed new clothes and more school supplies. But what about the other girls, their friends? What about the little girls who they loved back in the village who did not have any money or opportunity to get a good education–at least not yet? The ones who are doing their lessons an hour a day, sitting on the ground under the trees?
“I think you need to take them books,” Odette said, circling that item on the list.
“I know they need books,” I told her. “But I’m not taking books to Africa. That’s just crazy.” I really, really did not want to be hauling 100 pounds worth of books halfway around the world. I’m sorry, but I have my limits. I’d go back to the list and pitch the argument for more pencils! new underwear!
“Oh, please stop talking about those pencils and underwear. They can get them,” Odette would say, laughing. “They can solve that problem. They need something for their minds,” I had a hard time arguing with that. No matter how hard I tried, books for Grace & Lillian and for the little girls learning to read under the trees remained at the top of the list.
“Okay, what if it were a little book, like this one?” I said, pulling my zine out of a pile of papers. There are almost 1000 zines floating all over the world to date, and everyone always comments on loving the size and the simplicity of the design and message. “And what if we did a book like this, and you told that chicken story?”
The chicken story is my all time favorite Odette story. I have bored countless people at dinner parties going on and on about this story of Odette and her brother Inocent cooking up a microfinance project all by themselves in the refugee camps when they were seven and nine. I love it. I love it. I love it. I can’t help myself.
“Jen! That will be SO good!” I love the way Odette punctuates SO good in a sentence. It’s almost as good as hearing her appropriate (perfectly) American slang. The zines wouldn’t be that heavy and I could carry them in a suitcase, no problem. We were both delighted.
So here we are now for the last week, pouring over translations and transitions and little slips of paper that we are piecing together into one incredible whole. I love the way her voice shines in this zine. I am terrified that I won’t be able to figure out how to seamlessly pull together the story in two languages and one very basic illustration style (mine). I am exhilarated at the thought of African women telling their power stories to help girls learn not only how to read but how to take care of themselves and others. The whole thing is intoxicating, even if I feel totally overwhelmed at the moment.
Today hopefully, we’ll be able to get through the stickiest part and move further down the road to getting this little zine together. I can’t wait to show you the cover next week and to post some of the art online so you can see how it’s coming along. I will have to let this blog go silent for a few days until I make some major progress, so don’t worry if I disappear for a little while.
In the meantime, here’s a little girlpower for you from Madeleine & Odette–Gloria Steinhem would be so proud. Soulbrothers, please know I believe with all my heart that we need you, too.
we’re accepting donations of even $1 from hopeful souls who would like to be included in this project. Encouraging emails and any trivia or tips you might have about traveling to Africa are welcome, too.
This is a little card I made for Odette after we first met a year ago. I’ve never believed it more than I do today. The outpouring of support from all directions is incredible–from kind personal email to information about Rwanda to offers for introductions to friends and colleagues there–it’s been amazing.
I have totally met my match in the unstoppable Odette. Last night she had me up til midnight asking me the hard questions about how we can get the zines to the girls, follow up and truly make a difference. This morning I woke up awash in a hundred new ideas, wondering which one would fit. “Now you are getting it, Jen!” Odette told me on the phone just now. I’ve never had an affirmation that made me more happy or glad!
I’m shutting down the computer for the rest of the day, so I can ground myself in the basic things–like cleaning this house, doing my taxes, getting it together for dinner. Know I am sending out so much love to you all today and praying that every tiny act of hope you offer wherever you are completely rocks your world.
Scroll down to see what all the fuss is about, if you’re just getting here! All the contributions we get above and beyond our budget from now until May 8th will go directly to empowering girls to get to school and stay there until they have the skills they need to make their dreams come true.
I left the house yesterday morning having no idea what would happen on this blog and feeling more than a little bit terrified about it. When I came home after a day of translation meetings about Odette’s zine and finally checked in, all I could do was pace back and forth in the house and then sit on my couch and weep.
Your kindness and generosity has totally and completely blown me away.
As of this writing, over $3000 has been given in increments of $10, $20, $50, $100 and $500 by sixty-eight people with many more offering encouragement, practical help and loving support in a myriad of ways that totally touch my heart. I am humbled, overwhelmed and incredibly grateful. Your kindness covers not only the ticket but also gets us much closer to being able to print Odette’s zine which I will bring with me. (more about the entire project plan in the PDF)
We have no doubt now we have everything we need to carry out our plans in full.
Odette has been screaming with me and laughing into the phone every time I give her an update, and today we are going to visit our brothers and buy ten phone cards so she can tell everyone the good news and continue to plan my trip.
Thank you feels totally and completely inadequate when our hearts are bursting like this. We both have a deep sense of hope and confidence and love, knowing we are in this together and that you all are with us. When I asked Odette if she wanted to respond on this blog in anyway, she said, “Oh yes!” And this morning she read me her entry over the phone, and instructed me to title this post “Appreciation.”
So here you are from Odette:
All my friends,
I appreciate your generosity to me. And the mercy and love you have for me. Even though we have never met, thank you so much for supporting my gift friend Jen with the money to go to Rwanda to visit my children Grace and Lillian and my whole family. That makes me happy. SO much. And it makes my family happy, too! They are already happy before they see her. It will make them happy when they see someone from where their mom lives after two years without even one picture. Whenever I think about what you are doing for me, I cry tears of joy. How can anyone thank you? What I can tell you is you are a gift from God to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Odette.
If you still want to participate, it’s not too late. You can read the budget for the entire trip on the PDF below, along with our plan for my activities there. And if you want to be involved but giving money doesn’t make sense for whatever reason, don’t despair or feel left out! We’ll start collecting Hope Notes and other items next week (templates and info coming soon on HopeRevo.com) that I will deliver for you personally myself. I have full confidence now that everything is falling into place and that every last detail will come together just in time.
Sweet blessings to all of you this morning. May every kindness you show be returned to you a hundredfold and may you know deep in your heart (like I know right in this moment!) that it’s never silly to hope. Thank you again so, so much.
Maybe things don’t have to be quite as serious as I thought.
My name is Jen Lemen. I'm messy, hopeful,
enthusiastic and helplessly in love with the idea
that stories can change you and me forever.