Trying To Be Born
Baby Clara. I took this photo less than one hour after her birth last Wednesday.
This is such a time of transition in my life, and I’m not the only one. All around me I see the signs of struggle, of growth, of doubt. So many people I love are trying to find their way–looking for the best fit, the just right thing they were meant to be, meant to do. I’ve been a doula for so long now, I forget all the birth analogies, but the other day my friend Meg reminded me of how essential it is that someone hold the space in these moments when something new is trying to be born–like a midwife who understands it’s about to happen just when you’ve given up hope.
Anyone who’s ever had a baby can tell you a thing or two about doubt and what it feels like to be sent to the edge of reason. There’s nothing like transition to convince you there’s no way you can go through with this, that this was a crazy idea in the first place, that there’s no way you can do this thing after all. This feeling almost never lasts too long in real birth, but in life it can take time–days, months, sometimes years even–before you can see with newborn eyes that you were meant for this all along. A hundred people can tell you so, but you can’t really believe it’s true until you do the thing yourself.
Birth is like fire that way. There’s no other way than to keep walking through.
Tonight this sweet baby’s mother will hold her in the night, responding to her cries even when she’s tired, even when she’s spent. She’ll do this, so something else can be born in her baby girl–the deep sense of knowing that even when you don’t know exactly what’s happening, everything will turn out okay. I hope the same thing happens for you as you hold close all the things that don’t make sense right now, as you walk through the in between times with hope in your heart.
July 24th, 2007 at 6:18 am
I needed to hear this… thank you sweet Jen x
July 24th, 2007 at 8:26 am
Oh how lovely as I am up in the night hoping to make it through the transition. Thanks for encouragement…now I will go back to sleep.
July 24th, 2007 at 10:59 am
Loooooooooove this!
July 24th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Thank you for this truth and beauty. Words and images from a very wise doula.
I will be re-reading this post many times today. So much to ponder.
July 24th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm….I’ll be sinking into this wisdom all day long. thank you.
July 24th, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Yes.
July 24th, 2007 at 7:48 pm
And again I say, yes.
July 24th, 2007 at 8:03 pm
Beautifully said. A woman dear to me died recently after a long battle with cancer. She received hospice care and was attended to by the family nearly around the clock during her last month of life. During my “turns” to be with her, I was surprised at the strong comparisons there were between childbirth and death. She was weak like a small infant toward the end, and her needs were as simple as a baby’s — to be fed, to sleep and to be comforted. The doubt you mentioned showed itself, too — I heard her cry out more than once that it was too much, she couldn’t do it. If I hadn’t believed in an eternal soul before this experience, I would now. I suppose the birth metaphor is meant to pull us through many life-changes. Thank you for the poignant reminder.
July 24th, 2007 at 8:31 pm
Just in time, a new bit of hot pink bling for your blog before BlogHer. You’re a Rockin’ Girl Blogger.
July 25th, 2007 at 12:06 am
Jen, What a beautiful, beautiful post.
July 25th, 2007 at 12:25 am
[…] July 25, 2007 at 7:47 am07 · Filed under Uncategorized http://www.jenlemen.com/blog/?p=203 […]
July 25th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Newbie over from tides and seasons - who described you as a kindred spirit! - so I thought I’d better visit.
And do you know what?
She’s absolutely right! A great, thought provoking post.
Thank you and Cheers
July 25th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
you’re bang on Jen…transition is scary, never know when the end will arrive and how it will turn out. taking my holistic practitioner course was all about personal transition…and 4 yrs later, i’m still waiting to be born…
thanks for the inspiration to keep moving through it…
Lil
July 25th, 2007 at 9:33 pm
the photos of this darling baby would melt your heart . and your piece is dead on.
July 26th, 2007 at 12:44 am
As always, beautiful.
(from a windows user ;))
July 26th, 2007 at 5:36 pm
i needed to hear this too…
you are such a blessing.
July 27th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
what a powerful post, what powerful images. it has been such a period of rebirth and rebirth and rebirth again for me as a new mama and it is said so well by you…the transition continues and as i learn more the room for the love of this, this mothering, continues to grow. our babies are learning, we should be able to freely acknowledge we are too.
July 31st, 2007 at 3:38 pm
That baby has the most interesting nailbeds! They are so long! It’s a beautiful baby.
August 3rd, 2007 at 8:07 pm
i nearly cried when i read this piece because it is so profound. i vividly remember birth transition and thinking there was no way i could survive it. i remember that it was so intense that it was otherworldly and i felt that i was both in my body and out of it and the same time. satchel’s birth changed my life and made me realize how strong i really am…how amazing my woman body is…and that i CAN do anything.
i never realized until i read this passage on your blog how transition in birth relates to transitions in life…and it does…it really does. i promise myself to remember, in times of transition that something new is trying to be born and to hold that space open because i can do it, i was meant to do it, and not give up hope.
your youishness is a blessing in my life,
w
November 7th, 2007 at 8:57 am
[…] My friend Jen, not only a gifted writer but also a doula, recently wrote this post about transition, the birthing kind.. […]
November 13th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
Decided to read back through your archives…you have no idea how you speak to me.
j.
July 9th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
[…] I am to be at this moment in my life. Everything is changing and I can feel all the ways my soul is trying to be born. It is not easy or neat or clean, but it is real and for this I am deeply […]
March 10th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
[…] you are in transition If you are in desperate need of a sexual revolution If you’ve been apologizing for where you […]
April 2nd, 2009 at 10:21 am
Holy cannoli, girl. You said it.
X
Supa