A Little Ritual for Letting Go of Fear and Other Things That Weigh You Down
The week between Rosh Hoshanah and Yom Kippur has traditionally been a time of reflection. I’m not Jewish, but I love the rhythm of these two holidays in particular. This year especially I decided (in my own way) to take on that task of looking over my life and discovering the things that have been holding me back–and all the ways I need a greater sense of trust in myself, my dear ones and the Universe in general.
Yesterday was the day for me to put that reflection into action. Read on, if you’re wishing for a tangible way to make plain your desire to open up in a new way to Trust. Here goes!
Pick a quiet place.
Some place with little bits of beauty that call out to you, reminding you it’s safe to be honest here.
Gather leaves from nearby–anything will do.
Write out one by one your fears with a water soluble marker (Bravo is my favorite!)
If fear isn’t exactly the thing for you, you can also write on rocks whatever it is in particular you are holding onto, whatever it is that is weighing you down or getting in the way. To make it easy, I brought along some small smooth stones I had gathered along the Oregon Coast last summer.
What happens next is up to you, but I decided to throw my rocks in the river first. No words, I just threw them as far as I could. Then I gathered up my fear leaves (which were much more precious to me!) and went off to find a good floaty place–I thought about the river, but the water was so still there, I decided to climb out on the rocks to nearby falls instead where the water was really rushing. Follow this advice at your own risk! I had to pass more than one DANGER sign and one concerned old lady before I found my perfect place.
Then–and this part might sound totally crazy–but once I got to the falls, I picked one leaf at time out of my pile and said out loud: Thank you, __________ (insert fear) for doing your best to protect me and keep me safe, but I don’t need you anymore. And then I let my leaf float down the falls.
This was a very powerful exercise for me–I felt truly lighter on the walk back along the trail. Along the way, so many fresh thoughts came into my mind, and especially this question:
How does ____________ (insert action, decision, idea etc.) express TRUST in myself, in others, in the Universe?
I am looking forward to that answer over and over again in the days and weeks to come.
I feel a little shy in sharing this ritual with you, but also very happy to do so–especially if you too have been feeling on the edge of things and have been wondering what you might do to let yourself float into a wide, open fertile place where your dreams can happen.
September 21st, 2007 at 4:15 pm
thanks Jen! I really think I will do this this weekend. I am Jewish, but as a restless soul I always seek out ways of connecting to myself, my religion, and the holidays that doesn’t involve sitting for hours on end wearing uncomfortable clothing! What a beautiful idea!
September 21st, 2007 at 4:28 pm
This is one of the most awesome posts you’ve put on your blog. Thank you for the vulnerability, and for sharing a great ritual that is easy for me to try. Thank you for inspiring me to try a ritual to let go of the things that bind me/ that tie me in knots and keep me in pain. Bless you. Shalom.
September 21st, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Jen, thank you for being brave and generous and sharing this beautiful, meaningful ritual. It is a gift. I need to let go of some fears and worries. I think this may help me do so. Maybe if I can be organized about my time I can do this on the last day of summer, tomorrow, so I can begin Autumn fresh and light.
September 21st, 2007 at 5:14 pm
this is such a beautiful ritual, jen. thank you so much for sharing it with us…
September 21st, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Beautiful. Just beautiful. Thank you.
September 21st, 2007 at 5:20 pm
You are so totally cool in every way Jen. I absolutely love this. I tend to draw runes on Rosh Hashanna as a way to help me find answers to those questions.
Thanks for sharing this with us so beautifully.
September 21st, 2007 at 7:47 pm
jen, i’m dog-earing this page. the photos and ritual are beautiful and powerful…i’m going to try it real soon.
September 21st, 2007 at 9:04 pm
I love this idea, this ritual, and the fact that you’ve shared it with me. I, too, have definitely been weighed down lately.
Love the leaf ideas …
September 21st, 2007 at 10:25 pm
Thank you.
Truly.
Thank you.
September 21st, 2007 at 10:34 pm
I love it. I’m glad you took the risk and posted it.
September 21st, 2007 at 11:20 pm
Jenn,
This is amazing! Thank you! I have been in need of something very similar and I will try your approach. I’ve been suffering from Migraines non-stop for three weeks and I’m beggining to realize that it could all be a reaction to recent “fears”.
Lots of love,
Jazz
September 22nd, 2007 at 12:11 am
jen, how lucky we are to have you as a guide. thank you for sharing something so intimate with us. it give us courage somehow to see you being so boldly brave. your photos are the perfect compliment to your inspirational insights. you are amazing.
Good-bye fears…nothing can stop you now jen!
September 22nd, 2007 at 12:20 am
I’m glad you shared it. It’s lovely, healing, puts you in contact with creation (nature) and you showed us your piccha.
You look so beautiful.
I’m happy I know you.
September 22nd, 2007 at 12:20 am
Oh, Jen, thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve been seeking a ritual to mark the Autumnal Equinox on Sunday and wanted to incorporate something tangible in nature with a way of reflecting on where I am personally, the things I’ve come through in the past few months, along with a look toward the future. I’m so glad you shared, even if you felt shy about it. You’ve clearly touched others with such an intimate story.
September 22nd, 2007 at 7:26 am
Thank you, Jen…I so need to do this sooon.
September 22nd, 2007 at 10:17 am
I just want to add to the chorus of approval. This is a beautiful idea and I want to put some form of it into action very soon.
I listened to a radio programme the other day which had the British Chief Rabbi, Dr Jonathan Sacks, speaking about Rosh Hashanah. Among his wise words were these:
Ritual structures time the way music structures sound. It turns life into a work of art, giving it shape, proportion, grace and beauty.
September 22nd, 2007 at 10:51 am
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m not Jewish either, but this is a wonderful ritual I’m going to try to incorporate this time of year, as well.
September 22nd, 2007 at 11:28 am
Thank you for sharing this with us. When I cannot take the weight of my fears, I will sometimes right them on a piece of paper, sit outside under the stars, and burn them. It feels so good to just let your fears go, watch them drift away. I think it makes us feel better because we are actually recognizing them instead of pushing down and pushing them down. We bring them up, we recognize what they do to us, and then we let them go. Your ritual is beautiful.
Thank you for sharing it with us. You said you were a little shy about sharing this with us, and that is nice to know. It makes me feel not so alone, especially when I have the same type of fear about burning my fears. I feel a little scared sharing it with others that I do it because I feel they will not understand. But you are brave and you put yourself out there, and I could not thank you enough for that.
You have such a beautiful soul, and through all of your post is really shines through. You do such amazing things. Thank you for letting me have a glimpse of your life. I wish you such a wonderful day…with many wonderful days to follow.
September 22nd, 2007 at 11:37 am
THE BIGGEST WOW EVER! THANK YOU.
September 22nd, 2007 at 11:37 am
I’ve done something like this in the past, but I needed the reminder. Thank you!
September 22nd, 2007 at 12:12 pm
This is absolutely beautiful.
Thanks so much for sharing it here,
I may just have to join you in this empowering ritual today!
Namaste
September 22nd, 2007 at 2:22 pm
You are an inspiration every day, Jen, but this was particularly powerful. I love watching you take control of your experiences — such a beautiful melding of responsibility and letting go (which so few of us manage). Thank you.
September 22nd, 2007 at 10:11 pm
What a lovely post, and a great idea. Thanks.
September 22nd, 2007 at 11:19 pm
This is great and thank you for sharing. You have inspired me to share more of my “vulnerable” side on my own blog.
September 23rd, 2007 at 5:53 am
[…] Christine gave her reflections on Autumn a few days back and shares my view of the season as an opportunity for new beginning. Jen suggests a creative and moving ritual for letting go. Both these posts are well worth exploring. […]
September 23rd, 2007 at 8:42 am
Huh, how odd, I commented yesterday morn, but it doesn’t show here…
WHat I said was…thank you for having the courage to share this with us Jen. I too think it’s a healing ritual, in fact last night I incorporated something similiar into my “JUST FOR ME” night, and it was like hugging myself with love and forgiveness and letting go of some unhealthy perspectives of myself. And I completed one art project of Magpie’s (a little late mind you), which I’ve been trying to finish all week! Woohoo for me!!
Peace in,
Lil
September 23rd, 2007 at 9:08 am
that you perform this ritual is lovely. that you brought your camera in the anticipation of sharing it with us is a gift. thank you.
September 23rd, 2007 at 4:04 pm
Really love these photos, and the whole idea — the ritual of letting go and welcoming the change of season — and you choose the perfect spot for it!
September 23rd, 2007 at 6:35 pm
I wish so, so much that I’d seen this before we went away this weekend. We paddled for the first time back to the place where we’d scattered the ashes of our baby son who died a few months ago (while his grandmother cuddled his healthy twin) … and I felt kind of at a loss as to how to feel and what to do while I was there.
Next time, I’ll do this. Thank you.
September 23rd, 2007 at 7:54 pm
[…] I’m off celebrating and will tell you all about it soon. In the meantime you really should visit here and here for much Fall goodness. […]
September 23rd, 2007 at 8:51 pm
thank you for trusting us with this beautiful and powerful ritual.
as always, your post has come at a perfect time for me.
gratefully yours,
k
xo
September 23rd, 2007 at 9:35 pm
Just lovely. I feel refreshed just reading it.
September 23rd, 2007 at 9:49 pm
I’m inspired. Thank you.
September 23rd, 2007 at 9:54 pm
Jen, I’m surprised no one has mentioned this yet, but this ritual you’ve created is actually very similar to tashlich, a ritual performed on the first afternoon of Rosh Hashanah. The word tashlich is about casting off or casting out, and the idea is that it’s a ritual casting off of sins from the last year (not sure I love the word sin, but there you go…). You go to a body of water and either empty your pockets of any crumbs, or you throw bread crumbs brought especially for the ritual. Congregations gather together to do this, but it’s just as easily done alone. My husband and I went to the ocean this year to do tashlich, and it was lovely. It’s my absolute favorite part of the holiday season—very contemplative and powerful. I may need to incorporate your beautiful ritual into tashlich next year–I like the concrete nature of writing everything out. And what could be more of a sin than holding ourselves back from using the gifts God gives us?
September 23rd, 2007 at 10:09 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing.
September 23rd, 2007 at 10:14 pm
A Little Ritual for Letting Go of Fear and Other Things That Weigh You Down…
Can a simple act help you gather your courage and shake off the negativity that’s been holding you back? Read this personal account and decide for yourself….
September 23rd, 2007 at 11:20 pm
thanks for sharing. I am new here and the pictures where beatiful and inspiring as where the words.
September 24th, 2007 at 3:06 am
You have no idea how many fears grip me. Many about my special children, many about grabbing opportunities coming my way…but mostly the fear of doubt.
Thanks, Jen, for sharing an intimate ritual from your soul.
September 24th, 2007 at 9:31 am
this spoke to me loud and clear - thank you for being brave enough to be vulnerable with us, it’s incredibly inspiring x
September 24th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
Thanks for this. I’m in tears.
I haven’t really experienced fear the way I have this year. I’ve always believed that I was indestructible, capable of anything I set my mind to. But this year it’s been different and I’ve be tortured by fears about my capabilities as a person. Thank you for this Jen, I will do it. Maybe by myself, maybe with my church group.
I LOVE this idea. Please give us more of this. Jen you are so unique as a blogger. You put goodness into the world. You make me want to be a better person. You encourage me to face my fears and defeat them. You are making a difference.
September 24th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
This was such a lovely ritual, thank you for the inspiration. I live on the OR coast and went to get some of the smooth rocks you mentioned, sat on the beach, and wrote what I am afraid of on one side. Then I drew small pictures over the words and created positive powerful statements for myself on the other side. The whole process made me feel so happy, and felt so right for this weekend. I may toss them in the river or ocean eventually, but right now they are functioning as my own little personal rune collection.
I so enjoy your blog, it is a delight to read. Thank you.
September 24th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
Yep. This was an amazing post. Thanks!
September 24th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
[…] Note to self: in my 2008 calendar, make a note to re-read these posts just prior to or on the 22nd of September: A little ritual Preparing for autumn September collection Equinox blessings […]
September 25th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
What an inspiring post, Jen. I really don’t know why it’s taken me this long to check out your blog.. But one thing is for sure… I’m here to stay! I’m touched by how you could transform fear into something so beautiful and healing! Good for you. Makes me want to gather and release some leaves/fears of my own now… I probably will. Thank you, Jen.
September 25th, 2007 at 7:41 pm
This ritual is inspiring. I’m thinking now, about what is holding me back.
September 25th, 2007 at 7:49 pm
beautiful and inspiring. i will take the time for this ritual myself this week…for sure! thank you for sharing your heart with those who needed to hear it…ME!
HolleeAnn
September 26th, 2007 at 6:27 am
I just want to hug you! What a fabulous ritual. I am so doing this!
The photographs are so beautiful-as are you.
Thanks Jen!
September 28th, 2007 at 3:30 am
wow what a great post! I will pick a “ritual” thanks for the encouragment!
September 28th, 2007 at 11:58 am
Jen~ I found your blog after reading the article in CA! Such great PR for you. I was touched by this entry and wanted to link back to it from my blog if thats OK. Namasté! ~Sharon
http://e14studio.blogspot.com
September 29th, 2007 at 9:21 am
Great take on the Jewish high holy day ritual called Tashlich. Googling the term (from the Hebrew root meaning toss/throw) yields tons of info on Tashlich.
Thanks for appropriating parts of the ritual (without knowing it) and engaging in a process that is cleansing, healing, and… in spirit of the high holy day period: renewing!
love,
yer fellow volunteer at blogher bz;-)
September 29th, 2007 at 11:51 pm
very wonderful.
September 30th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
I am so glad you decided to share this ritual…I am going to get dressed and do it right now. This is going to be so helpful in my search for my true path. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
September 30th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
thank you for sharing this beautiful and powerful ritual. i would like to try it someday.
September 30th, 2007 at 2:54 pm
It must be fate. I stumbled upon a link to this entry on your blog through Andrea Scher’s site/blog.
I can hardly wait to try your ritual.
I know what you mean by being on the “edge” and fear being the cause.
A million thank yous for sharing something so heartfelt and personal.
I feel better already and look forward to thowing my worry/rocks and fears/leaves out into the universe.
September 30th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
jen…i do a very similar ritual except i burn them…but water means so much to me that i might go to the ocean next time…thank you for your nakedness in this exercise…i will share this with my blog readers soon…blessings, rebecca
September 30th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Beautiful, wonderful, inspiring. I am going to do this and will spread the word to those who I love and trust. Thank you so much for this, and a virtual hug out to you.
Tamara
September 30th, 2007 at 11:12 pm
Jen… thank you so much for being YOU. You are so encouraging and I am so blessed to know you… I’ve been doing some soul searching on my fears lately (prior to your posting) and facing them has not been an easy task but I sure can relate to feeling lighter after starting to let go of them. There is something about using nature to release the bad and insert more good. You are SO loved.
October 1st, 2007 at 9:20 am
thank you for sharing your idea and process. i randomly came across this post at the perfect time. you are very inspiring.
October 1st, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Your courage in sharing this very personal experience will surely provide a ripple effect for those of us who have read your beautiful words and seen your magnificent pictures. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
October 2nd, 2007 at 12:29 am
Thank you for being so open and sharing this. It will inspire many….
October 3rd, 2007 at 11:23 am
[…] One of the things that’s problematic about writing your fears on leaves and throwing them into a river, is that you must then return home and figure out a way to do your life differently. I’m discovering the fear mindset is both familiar and habit-forming, as if the washer got stuck on the delicate cycle and it’s been like that for so long that you need some sort of minor miracle to repair the dial so that going forward, you can adjust the setting any damn way you please. […]
October 5th, 2007 at 5:53 pm
Thanks for sharing this. It’s so beautiful and inspirational!
October 5th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
[…] A friend send me this cool link - a little ritual for letting go of fear and other things that weigh you down. Beautiful photos as well as inspirational. […]
October 6th, 2007 at 1:35 am
How like the Apache practice of consulting a stone someone taught me recently…
merci for this
Carolg
October 7th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
I am so glad that you got through your shyness to post this. It is such a beautiful idea that I will carry it with me. I think that actually my son could use this right now more than I, so I’ll share in hopes of a bit of healing for him. Thank you so much for sharing. It made my day.
October 8th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
A friend forwarded this to me, knowing how much I am need of exactly this type of healing ritual. This is a beautiful post, and definitely inspiring. Thank you for such beautiful prose and such a lovely blog.
October 17th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
i’m so glad i followed the link to your blog.. because reading this post was exactly what i needed tonight. thank you for sharing such a personal experience!
October 17th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
This is so lovely.
October 18th, 2007 at 8:05 pm
[…] yesterday i was reading this amazing woman’s blog and she mentioned this blog who spoke of this idea using leaves and it all came together. it’s brilliant. and the most amazing thing happened while i was reading about it, these words from million faces by paolo nutini were playing in itunes in the background, […]
October 27th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
This made me cry because I met you at Blogher and thought you were an amazing woman, calm, kind, generous and loving and then I read your fears and they’re so much like my own and I am surprised and relieved as well. Perhaps I’m not as awful as I think I am at times if you have the very same fears.
November 7th, 2007 at 8:59 am
[…] I am leaning heavily on ritual this month. Chinese rituals, Jewish rituals, Jen Lemen rituals…you name it, I am all over it. […]
November 7th, 2007 at 9:00 am
[…] I was off to one of my favorite gardens to do a version of this ritual, a ritual I thought would be perfect for the fall season, a ritual I so desperately needed. The sky was a brilliant clear blue, the air felt neither too hot nor too cold, a light breeze was blowing. Everything was at peace in my little world and in my little heart and I knew that this day was the day to get it done. […]
November 7th, 2007 at 9:04 am
[…] Jen Lemen recently posted about this beautiful ritual to let go of fear and things that weigh you down. I am dying to try it myself. It is all that I can do not to abandon my loved ones and work to drive to the countryside tomorrow. Short of returning to Rio, I think it is the perfect ritual to mark the inward turning season of fall and to face those fears that lurk in the shadows. Because I have a bunch I need to face and then I need to let them go I need to let them slip away like mist so I can rest peacefully in the quiet darkness of the winter. […]
November 14th, 2007 at 11:36 am
[…] Gordon continued: “I went to the hospital because of the excruciating pain. People think I went in for a knee injury, but that’s bulls**t.” Via Jenlemen - A Little Ritual for Letting Go of Fear and Other Things That Weigh You Down Moment of Lyric - This Must Be The Place - Talking Heads Home is where I want to be Pick me up and turn me round I feel numb - burn with a weak heart (So I) guess I must be having fun The less we say about it the better Make it up as we go along Feet on the ground Head in the sky It’s ok I know nothing’s wrong . . nothing […]
November 19th, 2007 at 5:42 pm
Oh my God.
Just last night I was confronted with a situation in which I first thought that I really needed to work on building my trust in someone else. But I realized that I needed to work more on trusting myself to let go of some fears first.
I stumbled across this post and when I was reading about the ritual with the leaves, I nearly burst into tears, even though I’m sitting here at my desk at work; and I knew instantly that tonight I would be heading to a park after work to do precisely this.
thank you. The whole thing I’m grappling with now stemmed from one big fear and habit that did try to protect me from when I was very young, and I do need to acknowledge that; but I also need to mark that no, I really don’t need it any more.
It’s autumn here in New York, and I live near the East River. I’ll be able to find some lovely autumn leaves and set this free.
December 21st, 2007 at 10:38 pm
I am not jewish but searched for sites outlining ideas for letting go ceremonies. There are so many unresolved small and big issues and non-issues cluttering up my thoughts, my soul that I’ve been wanting to do this for a while. I haven’t decided yet on whether to do this with a group of women I know to give them all this opportunity or just myself. but thank you!
January 1st, 2008 at 4:14 pm
[…] And from Jen Lemen: A Little Ritual for Letting Go of Fear and Other Things That Weigh You Down […]
January 4th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
[…] So. I think I’ll start the new year with a blazing fire, fueled by a bunch of tiny papers marking all the shoulds I don’t need to keep for 2008. This is the kind of idea I get and then get scared to follow up on (for all the reasons I listed above!) so I’m inviting you to help me out by doing it, too. I can’t put a time frame on it exactly, since that will be one more should that I don’t need right now, but sometime soon, I’ll write about how to do a little should burning ritual and post about it here and link back to you and yours, if you decide to do it, too. Kind of like the ritual for letting go, only this time with a fiery twist. […]
January 5th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Here’s another to try - especially good for fears that piss you off because they’re standing in your way. Paint a coffee can black. Find a large stone and paint the words “MY WILL” on it somewhere in something glittery and bright - a power colour (whatever that means to you). Then write your fears on broad egg noodles in black marker. Arrange for some quiet time when your insanity will not be witnessed, and put on some really driving, awesome music - music that makes you feel empowered. Dance with the can, shaking it as vigorously as you can manage. Dance out your anger at these fears. As you dance, the stone (your will!) will crush these fears into little bits of nothing. Eventually, you’ll find your pile of fears a pile of dust.
Go somewhere out in nature on a windy day. Offer your pulverized fears to the wind (the element of Air, which rules the mind). Put the stone somewhere special (on a shrine or altar), and keep the can for future use.
I like yours a lot - it’s gentle and beautiful. I plan to keep both in my ‘book of things to do when I need a good ritual’, with your permission of course.
I’ll even title it “Jen Lemen’s infinitely more Lady-Like Than Mine Letting Go of Fear ritual” 
February 18th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Thank you for this beautiful post. I was directed over here by a beautiful spirit and I’m sure glad she sent me your link.
February 21st, 2008 at 9:30 am
wow…what a great ritual. i am going to have to read more.
thanks.
April 8th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Whoa… beautiful.
April 14th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
I stumbled upon your beautiful ritual this morning and now i can’t wait to go and try it in the forest nearby. We are living in such a strange time and i think now more than ever it is important that we nurture such rituals and bring them back.
Release fear-i cast it from my life and bless you all for sharing in your own ways…:)
August 28th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
[…] ritual for letting go of fear and other things that weigh you down,” September 21, 2007, http://jenlemen.com/blog/?p=246 (accessed August 17, 2008). Copyright 2008 Rose A. […]
September 29th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
[…] ritual for letting go of fear and other things that weigh you down,” September 21, 2007, http://jenlemen.com/blog/?p=246 (accessed August 17, 2008).Copyright 2008 Rose A. […]
September 30th, 2008 at 12:04 am
[…] still working on my projects, some of which are totally possible because of this ritual I did last year. You can let go of fear, I know […]
September 30th, 2008 at 12:20 am
[…] ritual for letting go of fear and other things that weigh you down,” September 21, 2007, http://jenlemen.com/blog/?p=246 (accessed August 17, 2008).Copyright 2008 Rose A. […]
September 30th, 2008 at 3:50 am
[…] rocks got thrown in a pond with her misdeeds and regrets. I love that idea. And she linked to Jen’s person ritual on the same theme. Jen finishes with the idea of trust, and expressing trust in yourself, your […]
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:56 pm
[…] “A Little Ritual for Letting Go…” […]
October 4th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
[…] of emotion (and I’m not saying that’s what she meant either). The lovely ritual on this blog involves describing what needs to be let go of—all I’m talking about is doing that more […]
October 12th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
[…] the “Everything Must Go”). The best story about what to do when money becomes a burden. A Little Ritual for Letting Go of Fear. You can dump your money worries straight into the river. Promise. Stranger Stories. Listen and be […]
November 2nd, 2008 at 7:46 pm
I was moved by your exercise in letting go. It seems so hard for me at times. I am grateful.
John
November 13th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Sat Nam, (reverent greetings)
Applause to you for sharing your process !
I have written an article on letting go of the past that may interest you and your readers.
http://tinyurl.com/5woa39
peace to you,
May 7th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Thank you for publishing this on the web. I am to run a women’s ritual for releasing fears at a gathering this month and was looking for inspiration when I found your page. I will not be using the entire thing as you wrote it, but you have definitely helped. I never would have thought of thanking the fear!
Thank you os much!