A To-Do List for Insomniacs and Other Thoughts On Dreaming
I am writing this little letter to you from the freedom of my Tower (aka the Studio). We call it The Tower because you have to climb two flights of steps from my front door to get all the way up here, and once you are up here everything feels so otherworldly that you think you are in another place entirely. It could be because there is a ridiculous amount of paper on the floor and more cups filled with colored water than is reasonable. Or it could be because inside the comfort of these light blue walls, real magic sometimes happens.
Last night after a horrible bout of tossing and turning, I came to the Tower as I often do when I cannot sleep. I think I
have probably had insomnia for most of my adult life, though someone told me long ago that the best thing to do in this case is to get out of bed right away and find something else to do and to make sure under no conditions that you lie awake in bed and torture yourself over the fact that you are not asleep. I have followed this advice so faithfully over the years, spending two and sometimes three hours at a time, up by candlelight, writing and making art, that I sometimes forget these episodes are actually insomnia, and consider them instead some strange invitation from the Universe to let inspiration come to me and do with me what she may.
So far, so good.
Last night, for some reason, I decided to work on my 100 Things To Do Before I Die List per my soulsister Stephanie’s suggestion a few weeks ago. I’ve been meaning to work on this for weeks, and why it felt imperative to start at two o’clock in the morning, I’ll never know, but something about making that list totally energized me and gave me a little snapshot of what is truly important to me in my life right now. Each item made me happier and happier. To see my list, you’d need to make a list yourself–which I highly recommend. After that, I climbed back down the stairs and slipped under the covers next to Dave, my one true love, who also happens to be toasty and warm–no matter what the season–and fell fast asleep.
That’s Stephanie on the left, the talented Kyran Pittman in the center and me on the right. At Blogher in Chicago.
This morning I’m back in the studio and not feeling too tired–mostly because I’ve been on such a roll the last few days. Everything to do up here feels delightful. I’m working on a series on TRUST that you’ll be able to buy via download and print away to your heart’s content. I’m also sending off some files to the printer in the next day or two, so I can offer some full color 11×17 poster size prints per your request. Oh, and I have another zine in serious production (my Africa zine desiring to be more book proposal than zine at the moment) and this one is coming along without angst or agony. Pure joy. Damn. That ritual thing-y really did do something to the arrangement of my soul furniture. I’m feeling good and much more willing to let go of all the things that were keeping me from putting more of my work out into the world.
Okay, blessings all, back to my scanning! Back to work! If you are bored at your work or thinking the sum total of your life will be spent in the throes of laundry and little ones, go MAKE YOUR LIST. I promise you’ll feel fantastic.
Oh, before I forget. I just received a Perfect Post Award from the lovely MommaK at Petroville. I never know what to do about these things, other than to say thank you and please consider doing your own free ice cream day if you live someplace where the weather at the moment makes ice cream make sense!
October 1st, 2007 at 2:39 pm
Yes, nightwork is always soulwork and although we clutch at sleep to be without is not to be without a thing. And I love the list. The list draws dreams out and makes them real. I do mine in the shape of a pie, with pieces of my dreams and aspirations drawn in. And then I leave it in the light, in my sight, and watch it cook.
October 1st, 2007 at 4:41 pm
so happy you’re doing well!!!
i’m looking forward to welcoming more of your work on to my walls and into my life
oh…and the list is a simply wonderful idea!!!
October 1st, 2007 at 4:42 pm
When I first read your words about the Tower I had a sudden picture of you in a fitted gown and a long pointy medieval hat, leaning out not waiting for your prince to come (because of course he’s toasty downstairs) but looking up to the sky receiving inspiration from the moon. Anyway, ahem, sounds a bit silly when you write it down!
I love the 100 things. I’m going to start.
Reminds me of a close friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple of years ago. She made a good recovery, but as a result she stopped rehearsing life and started living it.
October 1st, 2007 at 7:30 pm
After I read the first two sentences I had an image in my mind of jen as Rapunzel.
I’m so happy to hear about your progress with these creative projects. Particularly since they benefit a non-artist like me.
I’m painting my home office this week with fresh coat of a shade called “cappuccino” and I think the perfect addition to brighten the walls would be one of your 11 x 17 reminders of what we need to do everyday. And after viewing a few of your Africa photos on the blog, I knew this would be another zine I’d add to my growing collection.
Oh, dear. I cannot ignore all caps. I don’t have little ones but I’m always in the throes of laundry. OK, I better MAKE MY LIST.
Thanks, jen.
October 2nd, 2007 at 12:54 pm
You guys are HOttttt.
October 2nd, 2007 at 3:32 pm
You now have me so on board with this list…perfect timing really as I have been spending large amount of time pondering what our future holds for us…what my future holds for me. Perhaps, I might just find out soon!
Thank you for the inspiration…as always and I can’t wait to see your new creations!!!
xoxoxo
October 2nd, 2007 at 3:51 pm
just wanted to say i read the post on fears and though i have yet to find the time to hike out in solitary fashion, i have been doing the exercise in my mind, printing out more leaves than i thought possible and feeling lighter with each one that i let float into the river my mind creates. now it seems i will be guided by you to the list….a thing i have actually been wanting to do of late. thank you for your precious posts, you are making a difference in the life a new mama with twins….helping me see light in a lot of challenges i face now. smiles your way.
October 2nd, 2007 at 7:00 pm
I don’t know about 100 things, but my husband and I each made a Ten Things I Want to Do Before I Die list. We wrote them seperately, but a couple of them ended up being the same. One itewm that showed up on both our lists was “Live in Europe for awhile.”
Tomorrow we get on a plane for a job interview in Denmark.
Hmmmmm….maybe we should all ask the Universe/The Divine/Our Intutitive selves for things more often!
October 2nd, 2007 at 11:48 pm
I love your list on the wiki, Jen. Thanks for sharing your dreams. It DOES feel good to get them down and to begin to cross them off. I’m going to add your 62 to my list, even though it scares me. I’m also going to add your 73 and 77. I’ll help you with 41, 60 and 95. Go girl.
October 3rd, 2007 at 6:25 am
I also have had bouts of not sleeping my whole life (pity my mum, it started before I knew what was going on and well before i learned to relax into it). Like you, I long ago learned that trying to insist on sleep never worked and getting up to do whatever felt right - reading, writing, walking - always left me feeling less tired and much happier.
I think I might like to make a list… but another part of me is a bit reluctant. I’ve always found that the most extraordinary miracles in my life are the ones I never would have dreamed of putting on a list. But I guess a list doesn’t stop the undreamed of miracles happening, right? Just makes sure that the dreamed of ones do…
I love your blog! Can’t believe it took me so long to find you. There have been little signs pointing this way ever since I started my own blog over a year ago and finally I paid enough attention to follow them.
Enjoy this time, freed from your fears, putting your goodness and magic out into the world. I know I’m enjoying it!
x
October 3rd, 2007 at 10:20 am
Oh I love this idea!
I’m going to have to make my list.
And now I want my own tower!
October 9th, 2007 at 12:07 am
[…] Have any of you created a 100 Things To Do Before I Die list? A couple of things happened recently that made me think about this. One, Jen Lemen’s post about insomnia (let’s hear it for the insomniacs!), and two, my recent trip to San Francisco (something to scratch off my list). I’ve decided that this is something I need to create. I used to have a similar list, but it was only 10 things, some of which I’ve done and some of which I wouldn’t include on a list today, like running a marathon. […]