Definition of An Urban Family
Photos from a recent winter meal with a few dear ones from my urban family (fondly called “The Commune”). In case this term is foreign to you, these are people who…
gather around your table and your life in a regular fashion
text you in the morning to see if you want coffee
make plans to make something yummy together almost every night
spend hours helping your kids play complicated video games
listen long and hard when you think you can’t stay another minute
convince you you’re just as smart and capable as you could dare to imagine
make fun of you when you’re entrenched in conflict or are being ridiculous
laugh at your jokes and listen to your stories (even the ones you repeat over and over)
tell you your dreams matter
think your interests are fascinating (science and DNA most especially)
tell you you need a drink
tell you to please stop drinking
consider you a soul friend (even if you are nine and the other is fifteen years older)
think up the most delicious meals and serve them with creativity and love
believe butter is the food of the gods
ignore you when you lament you are getting fat
clean your kitchen
feed you when you are stuck, depressed or bored
think it’s quite okay (best even!) to be with your neighbors almost every single day
January 25th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Damn, I want to be part of your urban family. Unfortunately I live in suburban hell. Do you know you have described in part why I am considering moving to a cohousing project. Life lived in a community.
sigh…
January 25th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Those pictures are lovely - they give me such a good feeling and I wish I had an urban family, too.
January 25th, 2008 at 11:32 am
I love your photos and stories of your urban community. I also live in suburbia, but i am determined to make more of a family right here. We have great neighbors who open doors and decks and bottles of wine together. We need to do it more. My daughter and I drop by to visit our neighbors, have left notes in their mailboxes, and otherwise reached out to those around us. If not us, who? If not now, when??? What if we never get to move? Our neighbors need love and neighborliness too. We’re gonna try, that’s for sure.
January 25th, 2008 at 11:34 am
i love how you live with your door and heart wide open. this is something i’ve been wanting to do with my friends, although we are scattered across a big metropolis called chicago.
January 25th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Looks lovely. We do something similar, only not with our neighbors (we don’t really have neighbors). In the summer we have House of BBQ every week on Sunday, with salmon or steaks, and people show up with other yummy things. I love the family feeling of those nights. This winter we’ve been hosting a community group through our church on that night, but we always start with dinner, which I don’t think a lot of other groups do. There’s just something about sharing a meal with others that brings you closer together.
By the way, how did you arrange your pictures like that? I’d like to try it for my blog.
January 25th, 2008 at 11:46 am
That’s my dream family.
January 25th, 2008 at 11:53 am
I want to be a part of your urban family!
I love how you live, and admire the way you follow your heart.
January 25th, 2008 at 11:53 am
I am excited to discover this sort of connection in this new city we now call home. Thank you for sharing
January 25th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
I see London, I see France… I see Captain Underpants.
January 25th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
WHOOPS! That (above) was me (Kyran). I guess Mom was still signed in on my computer.
January 25th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
An endangered species.
January 25th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
I love the lighting of the photos. Will you teach me how to do that??
Once our kitchen renovation is finished, I’m hoping for some more moments like that.
January 25th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
i want one of those!!!
January 25th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
I want some of this, too. Luckily, new neighbors have moved in who have distinct possiblities.
What else do I need to do? How do I encourage people to just drop in? Now, even though there’s dirty dishes in the sink and I haven’t showered yet?
January 25th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
I love the photos and I love the compassionate kinship you have described! What a treasure!
January 25th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
i want sooooome!
okay, yer gonna have to come clean about how you did the super photo trick of uploading multiple ones and arranging them. too cool. please share.
very sweet entry. one of my favs.
January 25th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
I hunger for this kind of community. I live in a suburban sea, where every house is an island, seemingly sufficient unto itself. I feel like I don’t know how to bridge the gaps, but it doesn’t look like anyone else is going to do it… All these green yards and trees are lovely, but why is it so lonley here?
January 25th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
what a wonderful family you have created. thanks for sharing it.
January 25th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
I just found your blog today and your entry almost made me cry. We’ve just moved from a warm and close “urban family” in Denver to Vermont and are still settling in. I hope that those sort of relationships aren’t limited to urban settings.
January 25th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Jen they are delicious images
the golden tones add to the feeling of intimacy
you are blessed to have this in your life
thanks for sharing it
January 25th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
I love it, when I was college, the married student complex that I lived in did this, it was great. Now we do it with our friends, but we do occasionally get together with our neighbors, for what we call happy hour. Drinks before dinner is all I think our neighbors can handle, we are the only ones with kids, the rest are retired.
January 26th, 2008 at 12:17 am
I’ve always imagined such a family, but have yet to create one. Thanks for the inspiration.
January 26th, 2008 at 11:35 am
I LOVE this list. beautiful.
January 26th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Now I want an urban family!
A friend of mine has a potluck once a month so that all his nears and dears can converge in the same place at the same time. His nears and dears are slowly but surely becoming one another’s nears and dears. It’s lovely, and your photos reminded me that one is coming up February 7th! Yay!
January 26th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Oh these photos are soooo good.
I love the lighting and the clarity and how you arranged them.
There are 5 of us in a group like this-we all live from 5-10 minutes apart. They do fit all of these things you mention and it makes me smile to think I have this. It is probably the best part of my families life.
You rock girl. They aree super lucky to have you in their life.
January 27th, 2008 at 1:53 am
Those pictures are warmly beautiful! I wanna be part of that Commune.
Saying hello from Chicago.
January 27th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Love it, Jen. Love it.
January 28th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
So beautiful Jen, I want to learn how to reach out and build up my community too. I would love neighbours to feel they could just pop in and share a meal, or a cuppa or just a chat. I dream of a neighbourhood that shares it’s resources, swapping vegies, recipes, meals, bread, craft, child minding. People here seem so set in their minds to be completely self sufficient and they don’t reach out, so I need to start the ball rolling I guess, this is definitely one of my goals this year.
January 29th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
You have a gift both in what you give to others and what you receive in return. I would like any kind of family right now, but especially an urban family. I live in an urban core and yet don’t see any of my neighbors. It could be because my girls are still young, it could be because I am afraid to let myself open up, it could be because my neighbors are too afraid to open themselves up. Either way, you are always, always, always an inspiration!
January 29th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
I’ve been reading your blog for the last several months. Your writing is beautiful, and the way you live your life, in a spirit of community, authenticity, and love are inspiring.
This post, brought tears to my eyes. It is the type of community that I envision being a part of and I am trying to build. I realize in reading your blog, that having a community like this means being very intentional AND loving.
Thank you!
January 29th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Just found your blog through—gosh, it feels like everyone I read. Maybe at shuttersisters?
Loving my first few entries of yours, and love my not so urban but there just the same family.
January 30th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
This post made my heart melt.
Commune dinner is by far my favorite memory of my DC visit. I wanted to convince you to let me convert your garage into an apartment and move in.
I’m settled in my new loft, and discovered just two doors down is a friend of my boyfriend’s, who he’s literally known for over a decade. His girlfriend? Awesome.
If that’s not the universe pushing me to start my own commune, I don’t know what is.
January 31st, 2008 at 2:08 am
dude. those friggin’ pictures say it all. girlfriend, you are one kick-ass photographer!
February 7th, 2008 at 5:30 am
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June 19th, 2008 at 4:47 am
I am so lonely, and i no longer know if i’m rejecting people, or if they are rejecting me.
But I have my ‘fur family’! If my feline companions like me then i cant that bad. lol
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