Grace Right When I Need It Most
Thank you so much for all the input on how to get going when you feel overwhelmed. It’s the best list ever. A few of those tricks and I’ve been busy at work in my studio ever since. There are a whole new set of challenges in that space, but thankfully I have this dear girl above to set me straight!
Yesterday I spent the better part of the day fighting with my scanner and barking at everyone and anyone who dared interrupt to ask me a question or bring me good cheer. Madeleine was one of the recipients of my anger, and instead of barking back, she decided to leave this picture on my computer screen, along with a few others and a very loving note.
Most of the note should remain private, but one part seems fitting for these pages. She asked me oh-so-gently in the way only a sage-child can, if I’d mind saying why I was so mad, that she hated to bring it up on such a stressful day, but she’d love to know–”Is it the scanner, something else, or me?” And then she told me she loved me. Under this picture was the caption: It’s all so wonderfully true!
Who’s the grown-up now, I wonder?
This kind truth from Madeleine helped me entertain another–that my family had absolutely no idea that my anger (while directed at them) had absolutely nothing to do with any one of them. And that most days, I’m too quick to find something or someone to blame when I’m mad–when the real problem is not someone else, not the scanner, but Me.
The Me who thinks everything (and everyone) should cooperate immediately and without question.
The Me who thinks that technology should be all about pleasing me and not-so-much about asking me to master new skills.
The Me who thinks that my timetable and my demands are reasonable (let’s go to Rwanda and illustrate a book before we go! all in three weeks!) even when all the information available reveals otherwise.
Mad’s willingness to ask me what was wrong without judging me helped me out of this particular hole last night. If this isn’t grace, I don’t know what is. I feel so, so thankful.
Today I climb back up those stairs, back to the Tower and to that Me and that scanner. I hope this time around, I’ll have a little more patience and little more grace not only for this–but for these dear ones who love me the most.
April 21st, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Jen,
For a while, you were my favorite person in the universe. But now I think you’ll have to share that title with Madeline. I don’t know what you think about arranged marriages, but I’ve got a handsome twelve year old and I’d love to have her for a daughter-in-law.
All,
I just wanted to add a little note here that a new post is up at hopeREVO with details on creating hope notes to send with Jen to the girls of Rwanda:
http://hoperevo.com/rwanda
Peace,
Krystyn
April 21st, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Thank you for sharing!!
Our children truly are a gift, aren’t they? I truly believe that they teach us more than we ever teach them.
April 21st, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Magic! I have more patience already. xo
April 21st, 2008 at 1:20 pm
your blog is lovely, as is the work you do!
April 21st, 2008 at 2:22 pm
I really needed to read this today. Thank you Madeline, and thank you Jen for sharing Madeline with us.
I also really need to go and read the comments on the overwhelmed post, because I’ve been drowning in it since Saturday night and I just can’t seem to right myself.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:57 pm
That’s one wise girly you’ve got there. And it takes a special mom to realize it.
Thanks for reminding me that I might need to take a step back every once in a while and evaluate what the universe is trying to teach me instead of reacting so quickly to everything it sends my way.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Stupendous daughters come from stupendous mothers. What a wonderful lucky family!
Breathe in, breathe out. You will get it all done. :o)
April 21st, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Ahhhh…the lovely Madeline strikes again, leaving me teary eyed and thoughtful. Last night as we were worried about other stuff I snapped at Max unfairly–projecting onto him my own anxiety, fear and anger. How we can all learn from Madeline and your experience of mothering her.
xo m
April 21st, 2008 at 8:46 pm
What a wise child.
April 22nd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
mad and julia could have some serious bonding time talking about us! ; )
glad she brought your attention back to what’s real and important. amazing how our sage children can do that so perfectly.
love you jen.
April 25th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Now that sounds like a truly wise child, she must be a complete joy! I am glad she could be the angel to bring grace into your day.
April 26th, 2008 at 8:58 am
that
is the most
adorable
touching
photo…
such a sweetie…and so smart.
{i found you via liz elayne…}
April 27th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
what a beautiful gift…thank you for passing it on to us as well.
May 6th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I found this post by way of sweet liz’s site - may I just say THANK YOU for so articulating so beautifully the absolute grace of your situation. As a mom I too can relate and while no one wishes these things to happen the tangible love you feel from those wiser-than-we at that moment is incredible!
Take care!
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:20 am
Thank Madeleine for reminding another mom that she’s loved and we all need to remember to show it.
June 29th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
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