Love Thursday: Making Peace with a Noisy Gremlin
gremlin: fairies that are somewhat mischievious; that little person in your head making constant critique and commentary whenever you move in the direction of health, happiness or a long held silent dream
Invite your gremlin along for a cup of hot tea, a hot bath, a blustery wintery walk. Listen to his complaints about you and then thank him gently for trying to keep you so safe. He represents a part of you that is terrified of your disappointment and never wants you to try for fear of failing. You have to give him credit for having your back in this way, even if he is a little overzealous.
Write your gremlin a thank you letter. Thank her for all the ways she has kept you stable and calm and exactly in the same spot. Thank her for being so invested in your security. Let her know that you appreciate her contributions, but that you have to say good-bye for now. Promise to come back and tell her what happened on your great adventure.
Go on a secret mission to spread a little hope to all the other lovely people being oppressed–I mean watched out for–by their own secret noisy gremlins. Write little notes of encouragement that would mean a lot to you if you found them on the sidewalk, in the coffeeshop, tucked neatly in the pages of a get-fit-fast book in the bookstore. Then go leave your notes all around.
Ask for a long hug. It’s preferable if you know the person you are asking, but not required. I find old people, people who are chubby and small children to be ideal candidates. Let yourself make a long sigh during this hugging business. Close your eyes and pretend it is the Universe her Self supporting you in that long embrace. Do it even if you feel downright ridiculous, and if your gremlin objects, remind her she’s getting hugged right now, too. She’s completely averse to affection, even though she desperately needs it.
Tell your gremlin you’re going to work now. Your gremlin really can’t hang around if you are going to do your work. She can barely stand it. So excuse yourself graciously (or ask her to come along) and move your body to your working place. Sit down in the chair and start moving your hands the way you do when you love to work. Your gremlin will be very crabby at first, but then she will get bored and find something else to do, especially if you have powerful, happy music playing.
Promise yourself you will sit in your chair and make something, no matter how ugly or imperfect or strange or far from your far flung dreams. Make that thing and then kiss it and then send a picture of it to me or Rachelle or Andrea or Jen or some other dear soul who knows all about gremlins. We will hold your created thing lovingly and then kiss the picture of it and send it back with kind words. Truly. If you don’t know what to create, make a little ode to your gremlin. She’s vain enough to enjoy the attention.
Make a list of all the things you are gaining by keeping this gremlin as your constant companion. This is a hard one, but please try. (You know she’s there partially by invitation, right?) What do you NOT have to do because you have this ever present constant house guest? What feelings do you get to avoid? What work do you never ever have to even start, let alone finish? What lovely story do you get to keep, forever unchallenged, because your little friend is so needy? I’ll call you on the phone and sing you a song if you have the courage to get somewhere with this one. Promise.
Align yourself with something you deeply, passionately believe in. Right now, for me, my noisy gremlins are sulking because I decided to try to build a house with my friends instead of listen to their banter about scarcity and the-futility-of-working-in-Africa and other such nonsense! Other days all it takes is one healthy bowl of Organic Pomegran Plus Granola with Cherries Cereal and a dollop of Fage to convince them there’s no use really. Sometimes it requires wearing rain boots when it’s not raining. My gremlins are natural skeptics and vigorous non-believers, so even the tiniest ounce of faith in kindness, health or play grosses them out and sends them packing.
Okay, my gremlins are starting to get all cozy with me, hoping I’ll keep blogging instead of working on The Portfolio Project, so I better get these girls up with me to the Tower pronto! Sending this out to you, friends, with so much love and more than a little hope for a happy gremlin-tamed day.
dedicated to Rachelle, one of my original soulsisters and all her lovely noisy gremlins.
January 8th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Your timing could not have been better!! How do you know so much? I needed that does of humor too. Thank you!! xoxo, ~ M.
January 8th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
My little gremlin’s favourite phrase is “you will never be _____ enough.” I will use your peace-making tips to try to change this to positive “you WILL _____” & “you CAN ____”.
January 8th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
perfect words, as always. My little gremlin has been using a lot of ‘forevers’ and ‘nevers’. I need to remind her to step down, now, thank you very much.
Also, I tried very hard to donate to the house, but PayPal was having trouble verifying my card for some reason, so I have to fix that and then I will definitely be donating! I have very little to spare right now but this is a project I can believe in!!
January 8th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Oh! So that’s what’s going on! I’ve been procrastinating something awful lately and I can’t figure out why. Now I know. Thank you Jen Lemen!
It’s time for me to start writing.
January 8th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Ah . . . the gremlins. Yes, I’m well acquainted with mine, I must admit:-) Great post.
January 8th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Seriously, how did you get to be so wise, girl? Someday, somehow I hope to give you a hug of thanks and friendship.
Hope you are feeling blessed and happy today.
January 8th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Oh my, oh my! What a post. My gremlins have been very loud over the past few months, and are giving me a hard time about my “word” for the year - possibility - and about using my word.
But there are passports in progress (a first for this close-to-home body) and future adventures being planned. The gremlins are scared because they sure like the security of home. But they are getting quiter because I am finally to the place that I can ask the question “why not me?” and they can’t immediately come up with 4000 answers.
Hope you managed to quiet yours today. I love the portfolio project - I just wasn’t brave enough to commit. Writing often in my lovely journal from Jen was about all I could manage this time around. Maybe next year!
You gals really are inspirational!
January 8th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Perfect! And I love the portfolio project, as well — I think there’s some gold in there for me, as well. Thank you!
January 8th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
You’re a Beautiful Flower, Jen Lemen! I pray that God blesses you … BIG TIME!!! Fireworks and all!!!
January 8th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
i have found the gremlin is not really a gremlin after all. seems mine wants to protect me and sometimes it flairs up and throws a bitch fest, but only because it loves me. it all comes from love.
January 9th, 2009 at 2:11 am
I have some PTSD, and folks like me sometimes have some dissociative disorder. So fifteen or more years ago I made (self) portraits of my gremlins with my non-dominant hand.
I’ve done lots of therapy and art, but this brought about the most dramatic shift I’ve ever experienced.
The gremlins *liked* being brought to life with blotchy, thick acrylic paint. They LOVED the attention. They loved my lack of control (because I was using my non-dominant hand).
I used the paintings as a way to personify my gremlins when I was stuck or troubled. “Oh, is that you, AngryThing? What do you need to tell me today?”
It helped me a lot. The whole process (over some months) felt very expansive and freeing.
Also, to follow on what Lu wrote in her comment, my AngryThing expresses anger and frustration, but it also likes to DANCE, and I had never experienced the hidden parts of AngryThing until I asked her if I could paint her.
The gremlins are our BEST (but maybe most misunderstood) friends.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:27 am
hi - i first came across you blog via shutter sisters, but have only been ‘lurking’ here so far… but today - this is such an encouraging post, i had to comment. i have a ‘gremlin’ named ‘lily’ who sneaks up on me from time to time, (she became quite prominent during a nasty case of PND) but most of the time i can hear her coming now, but boy, is she tricky sometimes…;) Am having a nice long bath tonight at your suggestion…
January 9th, 2009 at 5:41 am
Thank you muchly for this post, Jen.
January 9th, 2009 at 9:34 am
Jen…hi…I have been lurking for what seems like forever. So I am coming out today to say this post really hit home. I could write a book on gremlins.
After I read your post got some cancer pain under control..late last night …I poured my gremlins a glass of red wine. Then took a long bubble bath.
I got to thinking some gremlins are annoying and others are teachers of life lessons. Helps if i might say to get us to come out confront the not so easy things and help us to move
on and forward.
I think we all have them just see them from a different perspective.
I enjoy your blog daily. I really do, it makes me think about today and those in need. Real need not this me me society we live in today. I thank you for that.
I am off to finger paint with my Grand daughter.
Sending blessings your way.
January 9th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
what absolute, perfect timing!!! Thank you–i just got a little bit of magic back
January 9th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
i rarely visit here, but “something” sent me over her today (certainly not a gremlin or two?!)
thanks for a touching post …ELK
January 9th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Jen,
I just signed up to take an art class yesterday (after years of talking myself out it) and my gremlins are raisin’ the roof over here. This was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!
Nova
January 9th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Hello. I absolutely love your work - both writing and art.I hope you don’t mind, but I have included one of your poems on my blog, along with a link to you and a small piece about how much I enjoy your work. I was so excited that I have put it on before asking permission. I really hope that this is ok ? If not I will remove it, of course.I look forward to reading more from you now that I have found you ! Sarah
January 9th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
I just love it. I will remember this the next time mine rears it’s sneaky little head.
January 11th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
I only just managed to acknowledge my gremlins - and what they were keeping me from doing. One of them looks much like my mother (don’t tell her, please. she’d be devastated). I’ll be dancing with mine this year.
I also posted a bit of you on my blog - as Sarah said, please tell me if it’s a problem . . .
January 11th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
My gremlins have gremlins. “Ask for a long hug …” This word keeps finding its way to me lately: ASK. I think that will be my word for 2009. I need to ponder more on this. May all your Portfolio Project dreams come true!
January 12th, 2009 at 2:06 am
i love this.
please write a book.
this is amazing!
xoxo
mccabe
January 12th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
I. Will.
January 12th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
I found your website when a friend had me check out Kelly Rae’s artwork. I absolutley loved reading about “gremlins”…and oh boy…don’t we all have them!!! My goodness!! My sweet gremlins have been trying for years to get me down and not go after those things I desire using fear!! I am still searching for my word for 2009 but I feel like my gremlins may be a little irritated now that I am on to them and now what they are trying to use to keep me down! Thank you for this post - so enjoyable and refreshing to read! I agree…WRITE A BOOK!!
January 13th, 2009 at 10:02 am
These are all wonderful! I’ve been looking for ways to deal with my gremlins. I especially love the one in which you said, “Tell your gremlin you’re going to work now.” Haha. Thank you for sharing!
January 13th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
I have fallen in love with your blog!
January 14th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
My gremlins must have been squawking awfully loud, because somehow, I missed reading this post. They must have been talking about how much I had to do and how overwhelmed I was and how the kids needed me and I couldn’t focus on anything because I was tired.
I defeated them by getting here through a back door a couple of days late.
January 15th, 2009 at 2:40 am
I love Jen Lemen! I love her, love her, love her, love her!
January 25th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Yay! Some of my favorite tried and tested gremlin strategies are here - I also find that gremlins will eventually get so uncomfortable they’ll skedaddle if you sit on your meditation cushion or stand on your yoga matt long enough. This one takes some balls - you’ve got to hold the seat, or the flow, long enough to move past that first few moments in which the gremlins are squirming and cursing so much that it can feel like you have ants in your pants - but in the end it works. I guarantee it!